All settled in 250 miles apart

[JWS]

Well I had a pretty good Saturday. Fishing turned out to be a bust. I did not camp because it was just too darn hot, but I got up early on Saturday and drove there. I discover that all the good spots I was told about were closed. There were no trespassing signs every where. So I ended up just picking a spot with no info and did not have any luck. That was ok I just enjoyed the morning with a book and hung out until it got unbearably hot again. Then that night a few friends and I rode out bikes down to the county fair and had a good time.

Even that was hard though because my W loved the fair. It sucks to be hunted by good memories. I have been doing a lot of reading lately and learning quite a lot. However most everything I read I see it as if it was written for us. I wish I could say look here I am right here in this chapter, read it and understand me like I am learning to understand you.

I know that right now she is so scared and worried about school that there is no room for anything else in her life. I just wish that see would acknowledge that I am here to support that and don’t want much in return other then her. (the her she wants to be not my idea of that) We did go through similar fears and distance in our relationship right before we started college, so I hope when she gets into the swing of things and those pressures reside a little there will be a starting place.

Either way all this reading is not helping detaching. I need to finish up these books then find something completely different for a while. I have started to day dream about the different ways she can come back into this M and make it all better, everything from showing up at my door to a text message. I know it’s not real and it certainly is not detaching but it does life my sprits, kind of like thinking about holding her hand. I would not say its like I walk around expecting that to happen but it’s not all that helpful either, so less reading and more detaching it the goal for the week.