You posted on my thread and I want to post to you. First of all, as you know, I just found out that ow may (or may not be) pregnant. yes, the hits just keep on coming.
I HAD to file for Legal sep. because if you have followed my story, my h basically kidnapped my d5, stole my car and my father had to come to New York and basically "save the day" so to speak. Part of the "saving the day" was to spend to whole days with lawyer and get the legal sep. done so everything would be in writing. Custody, finances, his resp. -- everything. he also fought me on custody, made up bogus crap to social services on me and we had to go to family court 3 times. I even had to take a drug test as h LIED and said I wasa abusing prescrip. drugs (hello, abusing zoloft?), of course everything came back clean and I worked my ass off getting letters from every doctor I ever saw regarding my "mental health" from NYC where we lived and upstate.
IN the end, I got primary custody. the judge saw right through h's antics and basically said, this isn't an issue of neglect, it's a marital issue, I want it out of my courtroom. I also got my car back.
so NOW this legal sep. which I resisted for so long as I was SO desperate to try to save the marriage, even after I found out about the affair actually turned out to be the BEST thing that could have happened under the circumstances.
h already got a taste of the ramifications of the decree. while we were at my lawyers office (to sign the papers), I was alone with my lawyer in his office going over every last detail. while I was in there, a secretary knocked on the door and in this look of unbelievable disbelief told me "your husband is going through your purse (I had left it on a chair out there, stupid me). they were shocked thta I wasn't even surprised as h has serious issues with boundaries and didn't even act embarrased when the 3 secretaries were like, "what are you doing???". well, when I got home, I saw that my car keys were gone AGAIN!!!
But it was different this time. I called lawyer, he called state police and they were at his door asap. guess what? got the keys back and h was TERRIFIED!! so now he knows what happens if he violates ANYTHING in that decree. And all aspects are covered, from the custody arrangement to his financial obligations. if he even violates even a SMALL thing on it, all I have to do is call lawyer or even state police with decree in hand and there will be AT LEAST an emergency court hearing (within 48 hours) and he will be subjected to arrest. he learned this lesson the hard way and hasn't pulled any more antics since.
So the point here, as much as I fought this as I so wanted to keep the marriage together, I no longer have to live in fear of his games and "what if he does this or that". And by the way, I am subjected to the same as well, so I can't play games either.
You will feel SO much better. In fact, it's brought a since of closure for me and EMOTIONALLY I feel better if you can believe it. I couldn't care less that he's sleeping with her, I don't even need the "stop-sign" technique anymore!! BUT the thought of my daughter having a sibling with this person is disgusting to me beyond belief. And my h is actually a very educated guy -- works for the university system in new york!
my father says now, how can I guy who is so smart be so dumb?
get the LS. Do it for your peace of mind. Seriously.
