Quoting ANS: Here’s something else to think about. An OR talk isn’t the same thing as dumping on your SO. It doesn’t even necessarily mean making your needs known. Your R with your Has so many facets. And they’re not all bad either! OR talks can be joyful “connecting” times.
First you have to think of the good aspects of your R. Then, all ya gotta do is talk about them.
Wow, Andy! Not much more that I can add to THAT wisdom!
Unless if it's just to say that maybe practicing talking about the "good OR stuff" might help to make both partners feel more at ease, and safer, about talking about the "bad OR stuff".
Establishing, or re-establishing, some kind of connection.
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
sage, honey, of course you make sense... perfect sense...
Quoting sage:
I know there is no certainty in life -- but I still believe in intention. Even if my h. wasn't guaranteed to be with me forever, I think there was a time when it was his INTENTION to stay.
know, let me ask you something? if H were to say "I'm not done trying. I still want to work on it." would that be good? good enough?
My H and I are still suffering the fallout from Wednesday's crash. It brought me back to exactly why I wanted out in the first place, and also back to those feelings like it's been warped all along. IT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO THROW IN THE TOWEL! It means that we have promises to make, promises to keep, and we absolutely must not stop owning our own happiness.
I've been thinking of you all, Kim, Sage, Floyd, Will, Jeth, Jim, Raindeer... and many others. I'm always in a weird place cuz, well, cuz of the title of this post... it doesn't work. Not for me anyway. I can't go backwards. Kim, you of all are most like me except for the one fact that you and your H started out as friends.
I always kinda hoped or thought the big M would show up on my post because of my particular sitch... but alas... no pearls of wisdom from the buddess... oh well.
There is peace. My children are dancing. My yard work is done.
I sincerely hope you all find what you're looking for through this incredible task you've all set out to do. If anyone wants to say hi, or talk or whatever... my email is in one of Floydee's threads somewhere. Much love and peace.
Damn. Well what to say... I hoped (still do) you guys were going places, two people with a recognition of the problem and a willingness to work is a lot to go on. Take care of yourself and the children - post here if you feel like it. I'm sure I don't just speak for myself here - we'd love to hear from you.
