DB'ing in Reverse...

[Jamesjohn]

DB is about changing your R by changing your behavior. It’s about doing more of what works and doing less of what doesn’t work.

But what works is a moving target.

You know, Andy, I can't tell you how many times I've seen you write these same words, but I CAN tell you that I tell you that I always smile when I read them!

Sometimes, working on your relationship by yourself is a "more of what works", especially if you have a reluctant partner. However, there comes a time when things start to turn around, and it needs to start being a joint effort, even if just in small ways, to make it work.

Things with H got WAY WAY WAY out of hand... disconnected... each of us filled to the brim with resentment... In January, I dropped a bomb on H that I didn't want to be with him anymore. H tried everything to turn me around but the thing that actually worked was knowing I hadn't really tried to get the love I want out of this M. That H didn't KNOW everything could really ever come crashing down and now that he knows, to give him some time to "do something with the information."

char, is NOT talking about the R, about SOME of what you're "feeling", a "more of the same" behaviour that got you guys to this point in the first place? Is this some of where the "disconnected" feeling may have come about? On BOTH of your parts?

If so, then how would the statement "DB is about changing your R by changing your behavior" fit in here?