IMHO, it’s definitely time for you to regroup. Back to basics…
DB is about changing your R by changing your behavior. It’s about doing more of what works and doing less of what doesn’t work.
But what works is a moving target.
Going dark, setting boundries, … all of that stuff works sometimes. But I think that what happened to you and your H is that things got too out of balance. Things started to lean too much towards rules. What “should” be.
Both of you have ideas about what “should” be, and you aren’t reading from the same rule book. It’s time for a paradigm shift.
Quoting charcoal: I'm a WAW working on staying. Things with H got WAY WAY WAY out of hand... disconnected... each of us filled to the brim with resentment...
As one friend put it...
"... sometimes when we are really angry we don't want to be touched, by photo's, hot tubs or the moon. And that's fair enough, he bled you emotionally until you were dry and you need time to regroup."
I've been trying to regroup. I'm just so busy... advice anyone???
Stop thinking of yourself as a WAW “working” on staying. Stop thinking in terms of your H “bleeding you dry.” Stop thinking in terms of, “It’s up to him to win me back.”
I realize there’s always some truth to these kinds of feelings, but as long as you think this way, you’ll never feel connected to your H.
Do you think your H’s reaction to this mindset is unreasonable?
Quoting charcoal: Anyway, so, H reads this and today he's packing boxes saying "If you don't say you commit to me and to this marriage, then I'm leaving." I wont play second fiddle to anyone and if you're in love with someone else then I'm just going to go…
I'm really working hard here. I resent that my own personal thoughts in my own personal journal are being used in a way they were not intended to be used. Perhaps H would prefer I just D without giving it any thought at all? I'm not leaving. I'm doing this as right as I know how. I want it to be real. I want the "decision" to be based on good things, not on fear or because H wants me to....
Quoting lostlove: put yourself in his shoes and read your ponderings...does kinda sound like your not happy with him...does kinda sound like your thinking of d...does kinda sound like you want god to send you someone else and you'd trade holidays with your kids to have that someone else.
Hmmmmmmmmm…
Quoting lostlove: I don't really know where else to go with my thoughts right now.
OK, LL. So I’ll give it a shot
You’re in a vicious cycle of recriminations, char.
