My pinky finger is going numb. I bought a new keyboard thinking that banging on the one that got sticky may have been causing the problem. So far, it's still numb. It's annoying me.
This website has become my social life. I figure that's not good. Yesterday at the amusement park, I told my friend I've forgotten how to have fun. I can do things for other people, enjoy activities that other folks invite me to but I can't seem to initiate anything.
If I think.. how would I want to have, what would I do? Actually, fun for me is traveling and going to different places. But I don't see how I can have that type of fun being responsible for kids and feeling its inappropriate to spend money on that as the divorce is going through.
Perhaps I'm putting too many "can'ts" instead of "gonna's"' and "how to's". Maybe I'm feeling cranky because I got an email from spouse thanking me for setting up security questions he could answer for the online credit card and then asking me to do the same for the checking. I replied 18 hours later that he could do that on his own with based on his social security number.
It felt like that old feeling of him expecting me to do what he asked. Part of me.. internally responded. The other part told me to shut up, let it go. The lawyer realizes I cannot do, will not do the four person conference where we all sit around the table and discuss the settlement.
I don't know why this upsets me. I don't know why this hurts. Maybe it's part of letting go. Maybe it's part of not doing enough physical activity. Maybe it's me succumbing to helplessness.
I moved to this area because I couldn't handle the yeah rah rah of Newcomers... Now I feel lonely that not all my buddies post to me. And yet I'm pulling away in a way.
