Really... How long does it take?

[saffie]

eee,

My H had an 18 month A. you can see from my signature all the timings...............and I STILL get very insecure.

My H has never given me reason since the A ended to mistrust him but I guess I am the "Once bitten twice shy" sort of person.

Plus, as I never found out about the A, (he told me about it), I doubt my ability to KNOW if he was doing it again and that disturbs me. Looking back on it though there were HUGE signs and I just didn't LOOK for them. Towards the end - when he wanted me to know about the A- he even bought OW a present using MY credit card to get me to query the entry on my visa statement

Trusting them and getting over it are two different things in my book. I now wouldn't trust anyone completely again - and I am saddened by that and by how jaundiced my H's A has made me about certain things.

Getting over it I think will take me many years. My H did a sort of character assassination on me when the A was going on. He made me believe our friends didn't like me much and he said things just to hurt me. I didn't know the reasons why and so I believed him and my self esteem took a huge knock. Now he swears blind to me that he only said those things to hurt me and alienate me and that they were never true - but he can't seem to see the huge wedge it has driven between me and my 'friends' who were friends of ours as a couple. I am no longer the social animal I was before IRL. I don't know if I will ever get that self esteem back again.

6 months is not a long time to get over an A. You need to giving yourself years - not months, IMO.