at this point, things are ever so slooooowly improving. In the past week or so, we've talked much more than we have in quite awhile. She's vented to me about stuff at work and about a mutual friend couple. I've validated the best that I can during this period. We've also had a "where do we stand" talk..sorta. She's come out of her shell around me a bit. I can tell she's missed the kids (she's blantantly come out and said that), but she enjoys the hands free time. She aso has said she's happier now, and that we are better parents because we do more now with them...QT indeed. SHe's sent me pix messages of the kids the other day, and things are much friendlier
Rating 6 months ago? 6.... but that's because i didn't understand how much pain she was in
Rating 3 months ago? Can you go negative? if not, 0.
Rating now? 1....maybe....
No word limit here. You just ramble on.
I'm glad you're recognizing the improvements. That's really good. In the book The High Conflict Couple, it says to try to just be aware of what your S is doing while in the same house. Don't judge it negative or positive, just be aware.
I'd say it sounds better than a 1. But, I'm not there. Try to think of it steadily & consistently moving upward. What can you do this week to move it up 1/2 a point ? What would W do that would move it up in your mind ? More text pics, more conversation, a warm smile ? That kind of thing.
As far as sharing your "aha moments" with her. You can do it by way of apology. For example..."W I'm sorry that parents used to do X to you all the time, & I didn't try harder to correct them, I really see now how that must have hurt you", or "I can see now how I didn't do X all this time, I really regret that".
make sense ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
