I hate myspace!!

[bluerain]

Oh man, I went to a friends house for drinks, and her S8 gave me a foot massage, then asked me if I was going to tell H all about the great foot rub I got... I said you bet I am!

Oh, I just wish this was all behind us. I dont want to have to lie to little kids because of the ridiculous things hes doing. When my friend went to the store to get liquor for tonite one of the clerks asked "is it true? Did Kristin's H really leave?" with a big smile even. I used to manage the store, so its not that surprising that they are talking about it, but comeon, talking about the end of my life as I know it like its nothing? She didnt answer him, I dont know what I would do without this girl I tell you.

I am doing okay, keeping busy, GAL'ing, passing my 180's with flying colors, but every once in a while, it all creeps back in, and I realize that hes not going to be there when I get home, that I want desperately to ML with him, and I cant, and its all because he decided that he was lonely and is now in love with someone who lives over 1000 miles away and IS M TO SOMEONE ELSE! without even telling me that he was unhappy. We didnt fight, so many people hate eachother and still stay together, we were best friends. If he needed more why couldnt he tell me?

I just want my life back, its really getting old to struggle like this every day, I know that I am being strong, and I know that I am fighting, but when is it too much? Am I just ignoring the inevitable? I miss him so much, I miss his body next to mine, I miss him asking if he could help with dinner, I miss debating politics, and religion and the merits of a low carb diet, Yamaha VS. Harley, I miss sleeping till 2pm because we drank too much crown last night, I miss it all.

[water2moon]

I am doing okay, keeping busy, GAL'ing, passing my 180's with flying colors, but every once in a while, it all creeps back in, and I realize that hes not going to be there when I get home, that I want desperately to ML with him, and I cant, and its all because he decided that he was lonely and is now in love with someone who lives over 1000 miles away and IS M TO SOMEONE ELSE! without even telling me that he was unhappy. We didnt fight, so many people hate eachother and still stay together, we were best friends. If he needed more why couldnt he tell me?

I just want my life back, its really getting old to struggle like this every day, I know that I am being strong, and I know that I am fighting, but when is it too much? Am I just ignoring the inevitable? I miss him so much, I miss his body next to mine, I miss him asking if he could help with dinner, I miss debating politics, and religion and the merits of a low carb diet, Yamaha VS. Harley, I miss sleeping till 2pm because we drank too much crown last night, I miss it all.

Blue I could have written a lot of that myself..we also didn't fight anynore..we had reached a point in our marriage where I felt secure and happy. In August we went on a family cruise. Little did I know he was texting her most of the time and a month later slept with her. it hurts so much..I just wish i could rewind and change so many of the things I said and did through the years.But you can't go back just move forward.You sound liek you arte doing so well with your 180's though..me I need more work on that..

[christarn]

a pre med student that is a CNA...wow, that is fantastic!! i can't believe your nursing job market is not bigger....ours is insane....there isn't a day that goes by we aren't short RNs, LPN's, or CNA's....follow your heart when it comes to your career. the medical field is demanding, both emotionally and physically.

you are doing great with GAL...keep it up

keep your chin up BR....give him the space he wants/needs to miss you!!

christarn

[Sugar and Spice]

it sure is hard to stop wallowing once you start.

Amen Sista! Its ok to wallow once in a while, then you have to do something else. you sound like you are doing pretty well, all things considered and my H says and does weird things too. Just do the best you can for you.

corey

[bluerain]

Thanks everyone. Christa, I was on the nursing track, they are needed here too, but I decided that I didnt have time to waste and my true passion was in OB, so I decided to go for that. If I had stuck with nursing I could be done by now!

My motorcycle boots got here today, they are HOT!! I was supposed to go to a concert tonight, but I dont think that I can afford to go out, so Ill just go over to a friends house for cocktails, and I bought a new outfit today so Im gonna take some new pics for my facebook. (Maybe if I stopped impulse buying I could afford to go out!) hahaha I'd rather have cute new clothes than smell like a bar!

Today was a little easier, I got some new books in the mail today, healing the hurt in your marriage and the 7 principles of making marriage work. They should keep me busy for a few days. Has anyone read them? Should be a fun evening. Have a great weekend everyone!!

[ms ladybug]

Hi Blue, I have the 7 principles book, but sad to say I haven't gotten around to reading it yet.

I work in an ECF too. I'm a dietitian. I work for a SNF and a sub-acute. The SNF is mostly entertaining because it's a bunch of homeless, IVDA, alcoholics, prostitutes, etc...There great. The sub-acute is the depressing one. They're mostly young (<50), severe brain injury, car accidents, and stupidity. Likely those folks will be there forever. There is very little response in most of them, and it just makes me want to cry. It makes me grateful for my health, and makes me ALWAYS wear my seatbelt.

It sounds like your GAL is going great, and I agree, cute new clothes will last longer then an evening in a bar.

Keep up the good work.

[bluerain]

I ended up at the bar anyway, in my cute new outfit... HAD A GREAT TIME!! It was the first time Ive gone out in probably about a year! I wanted to find H, he was probably out, but I didnt. Too bad, I looked fabulous! I didnt realize it until I did it, but I needed it!

H leaves on the ship tomorrow for another week. I feel like Im running out of time, he transfers in Sep, and I think that hes planning on taking her with him. It must be love if shes willing to move across the country with a man shes only actually spent a few weeks with. I know that going dark is supposed to make him miss me, but will he really miss me if hes focused on her?

Its petty, but I put a post on his myspace, that I licked him, and she put two more on it, it actually made me laugh. Makes her seem desperate to keep MY H. huh. But I did send her H a message telling him what was going on, and that I want to save my M. Maybe it was a bad idea...oh well. It makes both of them look silly, all his friends on there know that Im his W. Like I said, its petty, and I need to stop going on there at all. It just upsets my usually.

[cindy0814]

bluerain~ I know how you feel about the myspace thing. I am going through almost like what you are. My H just changed his status from married to in a relationship and has her at number one. Its hard looking at his page and seeing pics of the two of them. Ive tried to not look but i cant stop. JWS told me in my thread that by looking at his page i am asking to be hurt and he is right. I cant stop him from doing what he is doing so i need to just take it for what it is. Also you dont know if it was him that changed it or not, could she have possibly signed into his account? That has gone through my mind that my husbands OW is the one changing stuff on his page.

Continue to pray and work on yourself. looking at your timeline it basically is the same as mine almost..

my H told me of his affair 4/08 he started staying with her the end of april beginning of may.. may 9th he texted me and said he wanted a divorce while i was at work. He said we should get a dissolution and that he has the papers i just need to sign them, well i have yet to see them.

[bluerain]

cindy, I told him that I wouldnt sign the papers while hes having an A, that a marriage is too important to decide to end while hes obviously not thinking clearly. He said that it wasnt an affair, it was a relationship. I told him that he could call it whatever he wanted, but it didnt change the fact that he is married and decided to start seeing someone before he even told me he wasnt happy. Thats called an extra marital affair dear. Im pretty sure that I wasnt being validating, but its so frustrating, Im not really clear on when to validate and when not to anyway. I guess I can validate his feelings, but... I dont know.

I hadnt thought that she might be signing into his account. But I guess that could be. Shes his #1 friend, and my pic is right next to her as his #2 WTF?? Too wierd! Its nice to not go look, your heart doesnt pound as you are waiting for his page to load, you wont go look at all of his pics to see if shes put any new comments on, you just have to make the decision and stop doing it. I slip up sometimes, but I really have (mostly) stopped looking.

Motorcycle class went GREAT!! It was exciting, and kinda scary, I had only been on a motorcycle once before this, and it was just as passenger. So, this is quite an adventure. And the clothes are sexy!

[cindy0814]

Our situation sounds so much a like its scary. I refuse to sign papers when he does give them to me until he has a job and has his head back on straight. my H also calls his affair a relationship because he says we are over. I said we are not over until a divorce is final and until then you are having an affair. I dont talk to my H that much anymore because he only wants to discuss our issues via text message when i think he is with her. Well I told him one day that i was not discussing our marriage via text anymore and until he grew some balls to talk to me face to face i was done talking. im still waiting for him to grow those balls. I often sometimes think its her texting me because he comes home and acts like nothing is going on.
In my opinion he is not in the right state of mind right now to make a decision like a divorce.

Im glad you had fun at your class. You have to continue to do stuff like that for yourself so it gets your mind off him. DBing is so hard trust me but in the end it will be worth it. This little fling he is having most likely wont last. Just keep your head up and keep focused on you.