Sorry that I haven't been around these few days, D17 is mostly at home and using the comp and I'm very busy with students.
Still no admissions news :(.
I've been talking to H, he called two times and I've called once. I have this weird feeling that something is not quite right and absolutely nothing to prove it. He talks to me as if fullfilling his obligation. I hated it when he was drinking and raving, but at least he was expressing his feelings. Right now I'm under the impression that he doesn't have any feelings at all.
I called him today in the morning and he wasn't there. I had something important to tell him, so I kept calling. When he answered the phone, I knew (ok, I assumed ) that he was seeing OW today, even though I don't think that he is back on track with her. Since it was my decision not to demand NO CONTACT yet, I cannot accuse him of dishonesty, but I really wish he'd tell me what's going on. I literally had to pinch myself not to ask him directly (I started, then turned it into something else). I'm so tired of guessing games!
And so much for not thinking about OW !
Just had to vent again.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
(((((Stella))))) I know all too well how difficult it is when you sense something is not "quite right". Just because you haven't demanded No Contact doesn't mean you shouldn't have that expectation now that you are Piecing. It is often so very difficult for the WAS to have NC with OP. It's an addiction and eventhough they know how wrong OP is for them, they keep going back. Hopefully, by the time you move back to hometown he will have gotten OW out of his system.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Hopefully, by the time you move back to hometown he will have gotten OW out of his system.
Addie, sometimes I'm worried he will have gotten both of us out of his system :D! I don't sense her presence in H's life as the "object of love", not anymore. Neither I sense any feelings for me. As a matter of fact i don't sense anything at all. It scares me, normally I'm able to "read him" easily. Is it just me or H has emerged out of his tunnel a different person or is he still in a deep limbo?
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
I think the lack of feelings coming from him right now might just be the remnants of his withdrawal/depression playing out. Keep being patient- he's almost out of the tunnel completely but I think it takes them time to recover fully once they're home.
I LOVE that you're in piecing now, Stellitsa-mou. Wish I had the experience to be able to advise!
I was looking for your thread but didn't find it, only the locked one.
Quote:
I think the lack of feelings coming from him right now might just be the remnants of his withdrawal/depression playing out.
I SOOOO hope you're right...
I went for a quick swim (180) and then had an ice cream. Feel much better now
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
So, you burnt callories and did a good job getting them back...
Good job Stella, I am on a "chocolate only" diet at the moment. They say chocolate has something to do with sex... I can't make the connection... LOL Love K
I just can't believe I have ruined all my hard work, but I did. I had to call H about D's sitch and from the sound of his voice I could tell that OW is very much in the picture and I asked him right away. He didn't try to lie to me, he just said yes, you're right and can I call you later. Next thing I knew I was YElling at him, calling him worthless, weak, lying cheat. I've told him how disgusted I was. I've told him I wanted out. I've told him that he's run out of time. In short, I've done every big "NO-NO"/ He kept saying "don't rush it", "don't do it", "don't tell our D", "it's not over", but he wouldn't give me a single line to hold onto. And l think I know why. I'm assuming, of course, but I'm sure She was there. I actually asked him and he said "no", but I don't believe him. I hang on him and then called on his cell, he didn't pick it up, then I called his home number again. I've told him he has to give me his answer NOW. He said, I will call you tomorrow, no, tonight. That was it. I am an idiot and I know it but I felt such a rush of blinding fury, pinching and stop signs wouldn't have helped. Kalni, I understand you so perfectly well, I HATE weak men. I hated his voice on the phone, stupid, weak, mumbling. Two years of mumbling! I feel terribly empty now, I don't feel like doing anything, I just want the pain to stop. I can't even cry. I want out. I really do.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
) that he was seeing OW today, even though I don't think that he is back on track with her. Since it was my decision not to demand NO CONTACT yet, I cannot accuse him of dishonesty, but I really wish he'd tell me what's going on. I literally had to pinch myself not to ask him directly (I started, then turned it into something else). I'm so tired of guessing games!
! 