The trip to Vegas is sounding better and better and I think setting it up together was a good way to go!
10:30 so are you on vacation? Can't remember the last time I slept in that late. Unfortunately the shelties don't differente between weekdays and weekends for time to get up in the mornings. Hope the allergies are better, they bite.
I don't have any idea on the photo but would like to see it.
Hope you have a great day!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Ughhhh...I just lost my post and here it is again. I have such a problem focusing on my issues and looking for clues to improve. This weekend H stayed over every night and I asked him if he wanted to stay over and he said I'd love to !! then we somehow got into OR talk right on our Sat. night date. H said OP just adored him. And I said dont I? He laughed and said no. What is adoration? Is it healthy? Is it fleeting? I am a bit stuck on this.
H also said he told his C that his heart wasnt in it. This I am really sick of hearing and I guess I just choose to ignore it. But I said " your heart isnt in it right now?" He said Yes it is. Hmmmmm....I get very upset and down when I think of how many times I have had to listen to this phrase. His C told him to get out if his heart wasnt in it. This bothered him and he doesnt want to see her anymore.!! I wonder if C was trying to get him to admit to himself that it is or does C think he needs to leave? What does everyone think? I am so confused. I dont know whether to tell him to go to her or not. Encourage I mean. So, I mentioned our other MC, and H said he was a little embarrassed to go back since we had one session where H was mean- saying he missed OW and didnt feel better and brought up all my faults. I cried and he ignored me. I staggered out - H supported me - and drove away, only to have H calling and apologizing and telling me I was beautiful. But what did it all mean? Not much changed after that or because of it. H said OP called 3 months ago and they had a closure on why it happened etc. H says this is 95% over.
As over as it can be and now he has ticked her off anyway. told her OR was important to him and he couldnt be happy with her if he didnt try to save his M. I said was this before or after she dropped he pants? I cant seem to listen but it really makes me sick. I apologized on Sunday morning - H seemed down and said he was down about himself. Said he deserved it. I told him I will be a better listener and it wasnt right of me to make him feel bad. Seems I want to punish him.
Advice on the MC anyone? I asked H when I got to be 50 would he dump me for a younger model. He said no, he would be 50 too. He is always saying if it works out and he has spent the night at home more than ever but not officially moved back. My list is still not made-got to get there. Anyone have such a list when they got back together?
First clear something up for me...it's your H's current C who said "if your heart's not in it you should get out?" of the M?
And while telling you this, your H said his heart IS in it???
Do you feel he was sincere when he said the latter? If so, then I don't see a problem with his seeing the C. Perhaps it was more of a challenge question to get him to focus on PUTTING His heart into this!
And as for the other MC, well so what if he feels bad about having vented and lashed out on you..was he/she a good MC? Good Rapport? Goal Oriented?
I know that CJ had to face TWO different C's to whom he'd LIED, Lied to my face in front of...me bawling my eyes out...he just sucked it up and went back.
I AM curious about this:
Quote: H said OP called 3 months ago and they had a closure on why it happened etc. H says this is 95% over.
Huh? What? Once you have "Closure" on something, isn't it 100% over???
And FYI, OW#2 was HOUNDING CJ for "closure" after he made it clear it was over...she demanded he fly across country to say goodbye in person...when he refused, she threatened to fly HERE and just show up on our doorstep!
It just all ended (as far as I know and believe) with an e-mail from me to her...telling her we were celebrating having her OUT Of our M...and one from her back to ME.
And as for the biting comments...I unleashed a few of those when I was getting "details" from CJ. ...I think it was the build-up of rage.
Thoughts come to mind now and then (infrequently) but I no longer feel the need to say these kinds of things. I SURE did at the start, though.
Shiny, I think H likes to say that "my heart's not in it" to hear himself say it. I dont believe it. I think it makes him feel better about what he has done in the R to tear it down. I am not saying I have not contributed to the tearing down with my nasty disposition and unhappiness.
I completely agree with that BS about 95%. It would be 100% if it was closure- whole thing is sickening.
I am kind of down today- went out to dinner last night with work, had some martinis and H said I was mean to him last night. I remember saying some derogatory stuff about Lance Armstrong and him leaving his wife. I have this rage and non forgiveness that pops up and I start the blaming I guess indirectly. It really was not that bad but H says why is it so hard for me to be nice to him? I then feel guilty because it makes him feel worse when I do this. I told him ILU and sorry and dont know what to do. I am going to his dinner tonight with his new work group. This I was excited about. H says this morning, I am going to get out of here and focus on my day. I screwed up again I guess- I am a bad listerner and blame too much.
New rules: I am not going to blame anymore. I will shut up and listen.
I think we should go to a MC of some kind whether its the old one or the contraversial one. I hope she was trying to make him turn down her request to get out. Thanks Shiny- you gave me lots to think about!
I'm a bit confused...you came home and made derogatory comments about some other guy leaving his wife and your H took it as you being mean to HIM??
WAS it an indirect way of letting him know how you feel about "that issue?"
I know that at times I actuall SNORT in disgust when certain topics come up...excuses for cheating and such. In part, no doubt, it's to make it clear to CJ just where I stand on that!...probably doesn't make HIM feel too great though .
I guess I'm a bit confused by you saying that you're not a good listener and blame too much...where does this fit in?
MC is a great idea...sure helped us sort through some yucky stuff!
SO you ARE still going to this dinner, right? Well knock their socks of darling, we KNOW you can do it! Make your H proud!
Hope the allergies are better, they bite. 
...I think it was the build-up of rage.
