Shiny, I think H likes to say that "my heart's not in it" to hear himself say it. I dont believe it. I think it makes him feel better about what he has done in the R to tear it down. I am not saying I have not contributed to the tearing down with my nasty disposition and unhappiness.
I completely agree with that BS about 95%. It would be 100% if it was closure- whole thing is sickening.
I am kind of down today- went out to dinner last night with work, had some martinis and H said I was mean to him last night. I remember saying some derogatory stuff about Lance Armstrong and him leaving his wife. I have this rage and non forgiveness that pops up and I start the blaming I guess indirectly. It really was not that bad but H says why is it so hard for me to be nice to him? I then feel guilty because it makes him feel worse when I do this. I told him ILU and sorry and dont know what to do. I am going to his dinner tonight with his new work group. This I was excited about. H says this morning, I am going to get out of here and focus on my day. I screwed up again I guess- I am a bad listerner and blame too much.
New rules: I am not going to blame anymore. I will shut up and listen.
I think we should go to a MC of some kind whether its the old one or the contraversial one. I hope she was trying to make him turn down her request to get out. Thanks Shiny- you gave me lots to think about!
