Hi friends, Just stopping in for and update. I have not posted much for a week or so and hope everyone is seeing some progress on their R quests. We went to the lake and had a pretty good time. One thing I learned about myself is that 7 kids are stimulus overload for me! I had to take some down time and regroup instead of lashing out at everyone. h came in and asked what was wrong and took me out on a boat ride so I could get a turn at the wakeboard. I felt much better! I guess I feel like I am being taken advantage of or maybe I am one of those sensitive people that need alone time.
H is staying more. I am to get a list together and will try to do that here for my ultimate critics - all you DBers!! It may really help me if you all could look at it.
H had a bad dream about me being mad at him and female workers and bosses being mad at him too. I asked him if OW was in the dream and she was not!! Maybe she is out of his subconscious !! H started his new job and is away from that old sitch. This is good!!! He seems better and way less occupied with work to keep his mind off himself. He says he is reading alot and it is helping him a ton. His new C is helping him too he thinks. More SIL funnies: She had our auras read from a family photo!! She taped it and H heard it and said she completely "fed" the guy his answers. Interestly I am a blue aura- calm but I have some anger!! H is red and he has the need to take care of people. D1 was intelligent, D2 was like H, D3 was hell on earth- very lively. So, kind of funny but really kind of pissed me off that some clown is analyzing me from a pic!! We ran the half marathon and there is a funny picture of me absolutely dying at the finish!! I would post it here if anyone is interested- someone tell me how! But I did ok and had fun. 2 hours and 2 minutes. H ran it and D1` did the 3 mile race up in Oxford. And for Yashie- Bagel and deli shoppe afterwards-mmmmmm steamed bagels.
Today I am excited! I set up a trip with the girls from work to go to Vegas at Caesars palace in Jan for a bachelorette party- my 38 year old boss is getting married. I am so excited ! I have never done a girls trip but I am afraid H will be jealous and go backwards- not my prob right?
H was looking into a trip to Vegas for he and I told him to please continue- gave him a date of Nov 2 - day after our anniversary. Then I remember the last 2 Anniversaries and how they were not too good. Such a waste of time and people to suffer like that. But I hope I have come out better through this experience!
Awesome if OW is out of subconscious now. So cool.
Glad H is staying more; that has to make you happier. So the new job is working well, so glad.
I don't know how for you to post your marathon picture but would love to see it.
Wow, trip to Vegas!!
Yes, all of this needless suffering. Sometimes I think that to myself when reading the bb or thinking about my own sitch.
Hey any thoughts on this Saturday 40 birthday deal? Give him a card and don't make a big deal of it? He has maintained all along that turning 40 is no big deal for him, YEAH RIGHT!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks Pam- Of course he cares about turning 40! Can you get him something fun that makes you look hip and young? Like maybe - gosh tough one- I got my H a nice watch - it is a milestone not to be ignored right? I will jump over on your thread shortly.
Weird night last night. We started talking about his toxic FF and he told me FF encourage OW to chase him. He admitted not being a good judge of character and why would she interfere in his M? this was a good conversation. FF always seemed to have her claws out around me and very threatened. VEry low self esteem person and H was always sticking up for her- I figured one day she would show her true colors. But it felt good to hear H say it. Then he said a few things- OW called him about 3 months ago and they talked about what happened and why. This is when Ow talked about claw-like FF telling her that. I was upset that OW is calling still. H says about 3 times this year and just to see how he is. Translation: See if I am still in the picture. He told her OR was important to him and he is working on it. I was annoyed that the "nails are not in the coffin" and he said the coffin was closed on that as far as it was going to get- H thinks she realizes it is over. I think it is pretty wishy washy on his part- subconsciously keeping that in tact in case.... So we slept together after I asked lots of questions about OW and sitch- he was wearing down and sort of sticking up for her- yuck----anyway, we made love, went to sleep and woke up bummed out - both of us. I dont know. How can I get through this stuff and put it behind us- I can t just forget about it. I want to discuss it and put it in the past.
H sent this email:
A couple of thoughts:
We can try to deal with this or ignore it, I think we need to deal with it. Maybe a little at a time, I don't know......
The Dr. told me something interesting that has helped me, Some, with bad feelings I have about ME and HAD about you, (not much anymore). She told me to think of it this way, that is no one is bad...... People behave badly, make poor choices and do hurtful things, does not mean they are bad people. I know it's easier for me to think someone is bad or I'm right and everyone else is wrong, therefore my feelings and behavior are OK. That is not really the case. I really understand that now.
l, H
anyway, this is really sweet huh? what do you think about all this?? Am I being a pain?
You aren't going to want to even try catching up with me! But you did miss a heck of an Anniversary party on my last thread. David & I's fifth. We celebrated online all day with Champagne! Didn't hear from David at all. But the next day I did. I think I am seeing some positives. So that is cool, just not yet sure how to handle the birthday. Looking like he will be working all weekend. So may not see him.
That e-mail is so nice!!!!!!! This is pretty major progress for him isn't it?
I think the stuff needs dealt with but who the heck knows the best way to do it.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Gosh - I am falling way behind on my thread and everyone else's. I have received so much support here and really appreciate all the self improvement egged on by all the folks here. It has been so good for me! I dont feel like I am a very good friend here anymore- I feel overwhelmed with all the news and everyone's progress or changes I missed. I guess some day I will not come on the site anymore- kind of sad really!!! I am promising myself that I will stop in on all the fun here today.!
As far as me and H, H is staying over 90% of the time this week and last. Almost to the point where we are assuming he is staying, like in last night, and we just turned in! Please see H's email from last week. I think I made him feel bad in my search to resolve the PA. H is anxious at times but want to be with me he says. I found myself really angry a couple of times this week- almost catlike posessiveness when I think of how OW took from me and H I think this is pretty psycho huh? Obsessive. I still struggle....I told H I would get him a list of things I want to change before he thinks about moving in again. But he sort of has and without any announcement or acknowledgement. No decisiveness surrounding it. No commitment that I know about. We are going to take a trip to VEgas just the 2 of us Nov 2- sort of an anniversary trip although H has not said that specifically. I am very hopeful we get that together!! We have scheduled a family ski trip in FEB- that is a commitment I guess! I just keep struggling with my own ghosts and resentment or blame I put on H for introducing me to them!!
Me Too I set up our Vegas trip!!!!! Was I supposed to let him do it?? We collaborated and did it on the phone together sort of. We are staying at the very romantic Venetian Hotel. I cant wait!! Going out to dinner tonight with H while D13 goes to a 4 star restaurant for an etiquette class she is in at the mall. Other than that I could do without these allergies - slept til 10:30 this morning ....hmmmm gotta get out of this lazy mode! Great day everyone... No,havent posted the photo- anyone know how??
I had to take some down time and regroup instead of lashing out at everyone. h came in and asked what was wrong and took me out on a boat ride so I could get a turn at the wakeboard. I felt much better! I guess I feel like I am being taken advantage of or maybe I am one of those sensitive people that need alone time.
But the next day I did. I think I am seeing some positives. So that is cool, just not yet sure how to handle the birthday. Looking like he will be working all weekend. So may not see him.
....hmmmm gotta get out of this lazy mode! Great day everyone...