I often read your posts and feel such compassion and empathy for you...you come across as a wonderful, caring and loving person and I cannot understand how MLC blinds these men so much ! It is unforgivable that your H does not have any contact with his son. I can only think that one day this will all come tumbling down on H as a nasty nightmare. I am so sorry you have had to struggle so much financially and emotionaly, no one deserves such treatment !!
I admire you for getting on with life, for loving your child and for still hoping that one day your H and your son will have some sort of relationship. I pray to God that your life gets some well deserved sunshine this year.
Take care and much love to you
Unfortunately in life people don't often get what they deserve, good or bad. Mandy, is there anyway that you can put a lien on his homes because of the child support debt? I would definately check into that.
braveheart, thanks for your reply, I will definately mention it to my solicitor. I think she has mentioned this in the past and said it wasnt possible, I remember her mentioning this definately to do with the fact of son's bank accounts and the fact that he has to sell the old home and not rent it out, also for the fact that when it does sell he owes son another 10 percent of the selling price or 10k whichever is the greatest. I seem to remember her saying that if only we had been married things would be so different, if only, if only, if only, I say that over and over in my head so much, yeah if only
The law should really be changed in the UK regarding couples who live together without marrying. In Canada (I think this applies to all provinces), once you have lived together for a year, you are regarded as common law spouses, and have the rights and privileges the same as a married couple. I know someone who has been common law for more than 20 years, and she doesn't want to get married, but she has rights to her partner's pension, property, insurance, medical aid at work, child support in the event of a break-up. Have you ever thought about getting a second opinion on what your lawyer says? Just a thought.
Life is unfair, even for those who do the right thing, but if we have an attitude of forgiveness and letting go (although, not letting people get away with cheating with finances or other), being content within ourselves, then I think it evens out the field. We just have to learn from the past, enjoy the now, and hope the future brings good things.
Take care, mandyloo. You handled your sitch so well. Your ex is one of the biggest fools I have ever seen on this bb. He threw away the best parts of his life, and is too stubborn and stupid to realise it. Even if he never says it to your face, I bet inside himself (when he is being truthful to himself), on those quiet nights alone, when he is thinking about his own demise one day, he is kicking his virtual a$$ for throwing away a loving partner, and a fantastic son. Better to blame you and S14 then himself and OW though, 'eh!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hi Mandyloo, Like BeingMe mentioned, I thought there was a common wife law in the UK as well. If I remember correctly, it was applied after living with a man for more than two years. Was that law changed?
3 years he has been at this, I suspect it was his fathers sudden death as the main trigger, that was sept 04, there were other work related factors that happened in the year or so before that so we could say he as been at the whole thing for at least 5 years
Mine started in March, 04. So I have been at this more than 4 years. H didn't move out until August, 2005, the day before my 50th birthday. Mine is mean and hateful to me most of the time. Usually by email occasionally in person. He mostly avoids any contact with me. I am still praying hard for his salvation. I still have hope, despite most people thinking I have lost my mind.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I thank you all for your replies and for caring, it is good to get some good feedback. Yes at one point there was a law in the uk that made you a common law wife after 2 years, dont really know what happened to it but it isn't in place anymore, I dont think ex would have departed if it was, neither do I think he would have left if his father had left the inheritance to son, as he was going to right up until 12 weeks before he died, I dont honestly know how long all this crap as been going on in his head but I somehow feel that things would have been different if he hadn't got the inheritance as and when he did. but that has to run out sometime and he wont be able to fund new wifeys extravagant spending, holidays, cars, eating out all the time instead of cooking, expensive clothes, beauty parlours, hair salons, oh yes she has had it good whilst he as had money, son has had nothing, well we will see how their marriage lasts once he is potless, oh and she hasn't worked for over 2 years either, so what contributions has she made, will we see history repeating itself again. he will be left with nothing and nobody I have said it from the beginning. love and hugs to you all and thanks for looking in and caring.
Mandy, one thing about it, if he does get bled dry as you suspect will happen, when he comes crawling back wanting to be "friends" or have a new "relationship" with his son, kick him square in the crotch! I am of the opinion that would help shock an individual out of an MLC!
braveheart, maybe I should have done that 3 years ago, or due to the fact he is allergic to dogs I should have bought a rottweiller some 15 years ago and let it lick him all over. No one can ever be told how much this man has changed, if I hadn't known him for so long I wouldnt believe it either, he is as they say the total opposite of what he was in every respect, Do they ever get some of their old personalities and caring ways back or do they just stay into the jerks they have become and just hope their past never re-enters their heads.
Mandy, I really don't know, seriously. I have read all sorts of things about MLC as you have, but I have seen very little of anything to do with changing in real life. I believe that over time they MIGHT not be as mean as they once were, but people being what they are aren't willing to admit wrong, so they go on living as they have been trying to convince themselves and everyone else that they are happy and made the right decisions.
