Trouble DB'ng Again..How Do I Forget?

[water2moon]

Ok so the last 2 days have been bad..I called the C that I was trying to schedule a visit with and he's gone till July 21st..Great..than yesterday I went snooping, I was looking to see if H still had his wedding band with the other jewelry he has..and I found a womans tennis bracelet. I didn't go nuts and start accusing him I merely asked where it came from.He told me some crazy story about finding it..yeah right..then he proceeded to go nuts on me! He told me he was sick of my questioning him and he was not going to take it anymore..things got really bad, at one point he had me cornered against the closet and I thought he wanted to kill me..he even said horrible things to that effect..Kids overheard, there was crying , screaming etc..he went insane..He started sobbing hysterically..I told him that i wasn't sure I could do this anymore and that I thought we should end it, the pain just gets too intense and I'm tired of seeing him and feeling such animosity and rage..I called a girlfriend and told her to pick me up..told him I was going for a walk with the kids and we all left..

Once I got there and calmed down H called me there, we spoke for a long time.he was very upset and told me that he feels that because he is no longer cheating that I should never bring it up again..But it's not that easy..for 4 months I was told over and over that they were done..yet I come to find out that they weren't..each time from the OW who would call me whenever he tried to break it off with her..so it is so hard for me to believe him now..I came back home last night, he went to work and we kept our distance mostly.But tonight after my telling him that I would stop bringing it up I found something else..yep snooping again..I am insane..this man has turned me into someone I no longer recognize..I signed onto his email and saw that he had mail from Red roof inn, apparantly he racked up a bunch of points with his visits there..And the first time was sept, not October like I had thought..so tired of the lies..why won't he just come clean?? I know that I am not DB'ng at all..Iknow that I'm chasing him away, and creating a huge barrier between us..Yet I can't seem to stop..I don't want to cry anymore..I have been crying since January..this man has caused new frown lines and wrinkles to appear where there were none..he is not worth this pain..yet I can't seem to push through the pain and find some peace of mind..Do they have any idea how much pain they will cause when they have these affairs??