M from Tennessee you gave me a good chuckle! I'm trying out tool belts as we speak. Funny, it usually makes my h nervous if I get out the tools. Maybe he just wanted me in the belt.
((Smartcookie)) Honey, you are awesome. Look in the mirror and believe it. Just the few times you've reached out to me have been a blessing. I've been in a bad way and am starting to see the light thanks to you and others leading the way here.
Ken F - hold off on the asking to go. It would sound like you were asking so nothing would happen.
Check out the Porno Name thread. I'd like your opinion on which spelling is better for Dry_heat's porno star name. That's a fun thread for anyone not partaking yet.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Thanks Wifey, thats the way I was leaning. As much as I'd like to go and have a great time with her, in her present state of mind a simple txt seems like i'm checking up on her. To ask to go would be much worse. I think right now she needs to know that i can trust her. patience patience patience.
We had a big cry-it-out session last night, she cried in my arms for another 2 hours. the lack of trust was what started it.
Tonight I'll stop at the bookstore and pick up something new to read. Not sure what to get, maybe another one of Michelle's. Always looking for suggestions, trying find something that would help me talk to my W while she's so angry.
Tomorrow we have a graduation party for our sitter's daughter, i'll have to be on my "most fun guy she knows" best.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
KenF try "The New Rules for Marriage." It was recommended to me by my C. I really like it. Made me cry to think I didn't really learn to listen yet or make requests rather than complain. I still have so much to learn!!!!!!
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Ken, I really like Good Marriage Great Husband. My H read it, & it's helped us tons.
Everybody,
I'm in a hurry now, gotta rush to MC, but will be back soon.
Just wanted to share some hope & warm fuzzies....here's an e-mail I sent H this morning.
H Honey,
that is really a beautiful poem, thank you. I love you, last night was AMAZING.
I loved sitting in the tub, talking about anything & everything, & it was okay. All of our defenses down, just you & me, working through our own insecurities, our own worries, sharing our hearts. It was beautiful. xoxo
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
okay, this tells me that she has put your feelings before hers, possibly for your entire relationship. That's where some of the resentment & exhaustion comes from.
Tell her that if you are mad, you will say so. Ask her to take things at face value. Tell her that she doesn't need to worry about your feelings. Ask her also, to tell you if she is in distress about anything at all. No matter how small.
Now, when she talks to you about ANYTHING, weather, politics, sports, love, the neighbors....
you look her in the eye, smile, nod, & THINK TO YOURSELF "man do I love her". Then, when she's done.......thank her for talking to you. If she'll let you, take her hand, stare into her eyes & say "thank you, W, for talking to me & explaining things to me, I really appreciate it".
Homework assignment #1. lol Good luck.
Ready2change....you popped into my head right away.
If W ever talks to me again....
_________________________ M: 43 H: 45 4 kids
My Story Truce
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin [/quote]
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ken, I really like Good Marriage Great Husband. My H read it, & it's helped us tons.
Everybody,
I'm in a hurry now, gotta rush to MC, but will be back soon.
Just wanted to share some hope & warm fuzzies....here's an e-mail I sent H this morning.
H Honey,
that is really a beautiful poem, thank you. I love you, last night was AMAZING.
I loved sitting in the tub, talking about anything & everything, & it was okay. All of our defenses down, just you & me, working through our own insecurities, our own worries, sharing our hearts. It was beautiful. xoxo
Haha. Hey Nikki P, got a question. i'll put it here since i feel more comfortable than on my own thread.
My W told me last night that she feels i'm constantly checking up on her, and in some respects I do, but am working hard not to. She also said she's going out to a bar with friends tonight, but didnt invite me. Should I ask to go along? This would be a 180 for me - I'm usually happy to stay at home. Or would that seem like i dont trust her going out with friends?
Keep up the good work Smartcookie. We all appreciate you.
Hi Ken, I wouldn't ask to go along. Just meet her where she's at. If she wants you to go, & invites you, then go. If she wants to go out without you, let her.
The question is...why do you check up on her ? Do you trust her ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
