ok, Buster, I have been gone for a few days and it looks like you are taking a nosedive here.
1. You are not going to inspire her sulking and being miserable. She wants maturity, you have to show that HERE too, you need to practice that. It isn't just an ACT you put on, its a mindset you must allow to inhabit you.
2. She still loves you, if you can upset her, she loves you. Her love is buried DEEP DOWN and buried under a mountain of anger and dissappointment.
When OM showed up, he offered her what appeared to be a better life than what you were offering, She left betrayed, cheated, and unappreciated. Her reaction was to accept his offer.
Her love for you is buried under feelings of betrayal, being cheated, and unappreciated. This manifests itself in ANGER towards you.
Its not you, the OM just paints a rosy picture of himself and your marriage was vulnerable to his offer. YOU have to create a ROSIER picture than HE does.
Its not that hard.
1. Leaving is painful for her, you have an edge there. Its something she WOULD avoid if she CAN. Give her a reason to avoid leaving.
2. You have a child together. BIG influence to get her to stay.
3. You are married and you have invested years in each other.
4. Her community dissaproves of her divorcing you.
If YOU paint a ROSIER picture of a life with YOU...AND you all those four above. She will stay.
You CANT create a rosy picture of you if you spend all your time pestering HER.
You need to start working out, you need to start volunteering. YOu need to educate yourself. You need to practice good partner behaviour until it becomes SECOND nature. Not just a fake smile and an act.
You have a lot of edge over this guy, but right now YOU are not attracting her, the other four points are, but it wasn't enough to get her to avoid him...YOu have to be number 5 on that list. Get yourself prepped up for number five.
Screw facebook, she's just trying to convince herself she has to leave. SHe idnd't do that fo ryou, she's doing that to force convince herself. Likley becuase of all the pressure she has on her to stay.
She is going to dig her heels in if you pressure her. The facebook was a heel dug in that's all.
Right now she's a caged animal. She needs SPACE or you will just find you less appealing.
Pick up "Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw. He has the same program as michele davis, but his is more specific about how t obuild up yourself ot be more attractive.
Its the same advice as Michele Davis, you should see the pattern as you read those books.
Keep up the good work. Dodge the mediation if you can. She's hurrying becuase the OM is pressuring her to hurry AND she' is scared. She knows if she doesn't hurry she may change her mind.
A few more points to help motivate you.
1. To the community the OM looks like a predator. EXPOSE her AFFAIR to as many people as you can. She likley calls it a relationshp rather than affair. USE the word AFFAIR when talking to others, and use the word infidelity.
2. This guy is nervous. He knows you are puttin gup a fight and he is going to pressure her. LET HIM. If YOU stay calm and helpful and HE panics YOU look good and HE looks like an ASS. Out mature the bastard.
3. he violated your home, he is likley in the doghouse with her parents. I can't imagine h'es feeling all that confident right now. H'es likley panicking too. He's the OM, her parents do'nt like him, and you are trying to save your marriage rather htan tossing your wife out. He's looking like an ass right now. Just hang in there.
After a while he's going to start really getting tense and your wife will start to see the other side. YOU have to keep looking GOOD until he breaks down and KEEP looking good. Don't harass her. Just be mature.
Ask her parents to tell her they don't approve and that they will be supporting you. If her parents can tell yoru W they won't allow the OM into their home ... ever...that will add more pressure to her.
its ok if THEY do it, just not you. It's one thing for her to abandon you, but if everyone supports you and fights her she' isn't going to toss everyone away just for one guy.
