Officially Here Now

[7 Year Itch]

Well, I'm not sure what is going on, but I'll know tomorrow.

H called tonight and told me he didn't file today. I thought he said he "filed" so I just calmly said.... "do they give you any indication of when they will serve me?" and he said. "I said I DIDN'T file today". To which I said.......... "Oh, ok. Well, thanks for letting me know, I guess I can breath a little easier at least for the weekend. To which he said he wanted to talk more. However, I had friends over for dinner tonight, and was in the middle of serving dinner when he called. So I told him I needed to go because I had guests over. He told me to have a nice night, and we'd talk later.

So I had the girls call him tonight at bedtime to say goodnight. I got on the phone with him, when they were done and asked him if he wanted me to call him later tonight, or talk another time. He said, how about tomorrow.

So I have no idea what is coming now. I mean really ,can it keep getting worse? I have a feeling he's going to attempt to have me file WITH him again. He really does not want to have me served because he knows how much it is going to devestate me, yet all along I have said I would not be listed as a co petioner, that he'd HAVE to file.

Well in the middle of my breakdown last night , I think in one of my blubbering sobs I said to bring the papers and I'd sign them. That I just wanted him to have love, and if it couldn't be with me, I'd let him go.

So I'm pretty sure I'm going to regret that and he's going to ask to have me file with him again.

I'd love to think something from last night got through, he had an epiphany, and is going to tell me he is willing to work on it, but since he has NEVER said that in 3 months since the bomb, I'm pretty sure that ain't happenin'.

Just so tired of bomb after bomb. Not looking forward to what is now out there tomorrow. It's almost like he is the nicest to me right before another bomb drops and he was very nice tonight. So my guard is up. God, I hate this.

Chris