I would love to say that it is not my problem. But realitiy tells me that if he does not have a place to stay, he is going to try to stay at this house and use "I don't have anywhere to go as an excuse." Which will lead to all of the police and everything invlovement that I am dreading.
If he found a place, I know he would move out without a fight.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Whether you have to stand up for yourself or not, it's still not your problem. It's his to solve. All you need to focus on is making sure he is gone on time. That's it. And hassle it may be, but you can and will do it.
((((((Sara)))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Your divorce papers are a legal, binding court-order. After the date stated, he can NOT be in the house or he can be arrested. Have the locks changed and if he shows up after the date, you don't even have to open the door, you call 911 & explain and they will handle it.
This is one little boy about to learn a thing or two about consequences. Stay strong
I wonder if on some level you are feeling bad for him...that if he doesn't handle his business by the move out date, you will do EXACTLY what he did to you.
The most loving, kind thing you can do for this man is hold your boundary. It sounds like others have cleaned up after him and handled his business for him so he never had to grow up. Letting him suffer the consequences of his actions is the kindest thing you can do for him, because it gives him the opportunity to grow.
I know you don't want or need the drama, but you can only respond to the situation in front of you. When you buy a house, if the people you are buying it from aren't on by the date you agreed upon, they have to pay you a daily rental fee. H and I got paid money from the condo we purchased because of that. To her credit, she let us know in advance, but she also paid us the money.
This is business. Try not to worry about what H might do; the future hasn't happened yet, and he might surprise you. If not, well, you have a plan. Call the police and let them handle it.
You have become a strong, strong woman. Good things are in your future!
BTW, there's an old poster who had a similar sitch to yours who shows up in Surviving from time to time named Dana...her screen name is Galing. You might check in on her if you are looking for someone about a year or so past all of this. Last time I heard, she was the life of the party and happy as can be.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Ditto what everyone else is saying. You aren't responsible for him, he is an adult and should be able to take care of himself.
It sounds like you're taking care of yourself - that's great. I know this is hard. I wish it wasn't but it is.
On another note, I liked "Across the Universe". Not entirely, but I thought it was a fun re-versioning of the songs. I entirely agree with you that some songs worked and others didn't.
Okay, so now that I know your thought on that movie, what about the songs in "I Am Sam"?
I know that I am no longer his helpmate. I honestly enjoyed that part of being his wife. But now he has to take care of himself. I do feel badly for him. But not enough that I won't call the police. More than anything I just dont' want to have drama again. I am not the person that has the police over at her house. I am tired of dealing with it all and just wish he would take the easy road. But...if he doesn't I am ready.
No one has anything to say about him putting the settlement money in a joint account? I am still laughing over that one.
I really liked the movie I am Sam. I like the Beatles songs as well. I even bought the soundtrack (not that I listen to it that often but I must have liked it a lot at the time). They almost got to use "real" Beatles song in I am Sam but George was the last hold off and then he passed away before a final decision was made so they had to use cover versions.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
I must have missed that about the joint account.will have to go back and read ..I really hope he doesn't make you suffer anymore than he already has.It must be killing him to see how strong you are and how well you are holding up..
Me: 36 H: 34 2 D's: 10+13 Married: 13 yrs(Together 15) Found out about A-Jan 08 Finally ended April 08..I hope?? Struggling to co-exist in peace
He doesn't see me as holding up well. He told my mom that I have been emotionally unstable for a year now and all I ever do is cry. He sees himself as the victim in this mess.
I keep reminding myself that this will be the last confrontation I will have to have with him. One more time I will have drama and then I can settle back to a somewhat normal exsistance. I have done this now for 8 months, surely I can do it one more time. Then I am going to Disney World 5 days later. Where H will have no way of contacting me. That sounds like more of a vacation than Disney itself. LOL!
Bought more new stuff for my house at some yard sales. I am excited.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
