Lodo, I agree with GFI, can I get the soup recipe ?
I'm still thinking about when you asked me what I would give to lay on the floor & talk about dreams all night. I think maybe one day that could happen now.
When you first mentioned it, I had no hope of it ever happening. But, I'm grateful you gave me something to reach for.
hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
thanks for checking in. I think I need to clarify something in that long post.
Quote:
I'm only responsible to show a willingness to compromise for the good of the R and to show support, friendship, love, and understanding. Have I shown her that? To be truthful, probably not. I thought she needed space, not support, so how many times have I never been there for her? And yet it was okay, in my mind, because she was never there for me.
What I should have said is that I don't think I've shown support. I HAVE shown friendship, love, and understanding. Well, understanding is a hard one, so maybe that's up in the air, but definitely the other two. I did show support, but in my way, not hers. And she would never tell me what her way was. She retreated into her independence.
Anyway, I'm afraid the soup recipe is lost in the mists of time. I don't usually follow a recipe - just kind of make it up as I go along.
smartcookie, i'm happy that you think one day that can happen! You've come a long way. Why not make it happen? I don't know if you can see stars where you're at, but grab your husband go out in the yard, and stretch out on the grass, looking up at the sky. And start talking about your dreams. Your fantasies. Your desires.
I booked my trip to Scotland today - orkney islands here I come! Don't know where I'll stay yet, but I decided not to rent a car. I'm going to use a bike instead. Should be fun! I was a bit hesitant about being by myself, so decided to just stay a week. I need to build up to a longer trip I think.
I'm ready for this thread to lock. Part of me wonders if I should just stop posting.
This has been a hard week. I don't know why. I can't seem to do anything this week. I took the day off to get my papers done and I just sat and looked at the blinking cursor in Microsoft word all day long. Not one word. *sigh*
I guess I'm in mourning.
As expected, W emailed. I can always predict when I'm going to hear from her based on how I feel. She wanted to ask a favor - pick up something while she's gone - and then tell me about a trip she's making to see some friends of ours. Whatever.
I wish I could tell what's going through her mind. I feel like she isn't being truthful to herself about how this has played out. And it annoys the crap out of me what some of her friends have said to me. This has been months ago, but 3 different ones have said, "She told me about OM, but said it wasn't a big deal." WTF? Would they be that nonchalant if it had been their husbands who had said they'd slept with someone else but it was no big deal? Again, whatever.
Anyway, I'm in mourning. I realize that this is part of letting go. I realize that she probably is so focused on work that she won't make this realization until she starts trying to establish a serious R with someone else. She's running. She is happy to rely on herself alone and not be responsible for being in a R.
And that certainly is one avenue. Being in a mature R is hard and takes compromise. She was never willing to compromise or show very much empathy. But I don't think she wants to be alone the rest of her life, though she keeps saying that.
bottom line - I know I'll meet someone else and the R will be like night and day. I'll suddenly realize that, while I may not connect in the same way or so overwhelmingly, it means a lot when one person is as committed as the other in making things work and in voicing concerns so that happiness in the R is preserved. Or at least attempted.
I don't know. this is a crappy post. Dont feel like writing or thinking. blinking cursor on a Word doc.
Its not a crappy post, its how your feeling. part of posting on here is to be able to post whatever whenever ... and knowone will judge you..
you will meet someone else, and it will be different, also because your different because of what you have gone through, and believe it or not, that's a good thing.
Im sorry that you are feeling bad, take care of yourself.
(((hugs))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
You will find love again, and when you do, I believe you will have the kind of connection you had/have with your wife - and probably even better. It's hard to imagine the possibility, but I believe it will happen for you. You have so much to give to a relationship, and sadly, your wife couldn't accept your love along with the ups and downs of everyday life. To me, being married, is all about the ups and downs - being there to support one another through the rough spots and to cherish and enjoy the good spots. Some people cut and run when a little bump in the road comes along, and in the long run, that type of person will always lose out.
I'm sorry you're in mourning. I hope this phase moves quickly. Please don't stop posting. I always enjoy reading your thoughts - whether or not you think a post is crappy.
Hang in there, friend.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
You better not even think about not posting!!! I love your posts!!! I think you should be working on a Master's in Creative Writing though--your posts are always wonderful to read!!! You couldn't write a crappy post if you tried. Ok, maybe I should tone it down a little! But I really mean that you know...Karen
You better not even think about not posting!!! I love your posts!!! I think you should be working on a Master's in Creative Writing though--your posts are always wonderful to read!!! You couldn't write a crappy post if you tried. Ok, maybe I should tone it down a little! But I really mean that you know...Karen
Ditto.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
I hope you stick around. You've been a big help to me, and I suspect to a lot of people here. Our paths have run kind of in parallel for these last few months, and our approaches similar. It is nice to bounce things back and forth with someone like that.
Like you, I am prepared to move on. I am confident that eventually I will find someone to share my life with, and now see the possibility of a new, better R in my future. But am I "over" W? I don't know that I ever will be. And like you, these last few days I have really felt the loss of her friendship, our togetherness, the love we used to share. I want to share with her the things going on in my life, even though those things involve dissolving the ties that used to connect us. I dreamed about her again last night, only to wake up and find emptiness. But that is a void that will be filled, eventually, by someone I don't even know exists yet.
So hang in there. It will get better for the both of us. But it will just take time, and help. There's plenty of help still for us to give and receive here.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
W emailed again. Thanked me for picking up her veggie box, asked if I wanted her to bring over some chard from the garden, and told me about going to see a movie with a mutual friend. I didn't respond. maybe it's rude, but I don't think I will.
I suppose this is how it's going to go until I start hanging out with someone else. I'm her favor person. But not good enough to actually do something with because I don't have a PhD.
either that or she is feeling like she screwed up and doesn't know how to fix things. Not that that means I think there's a chance we could get back together. Just in how we relate.
Interesting, though. She went to the movie with a friend, not OM. What the heck is going on with that? A month ago she said she didn't leave me to pursue someone else, even though when she left me she said it was because she was pursuing someone else. She wouldn't work on M because she couldn't deny her feelings for OM. Now I don't think they're doing that much together, but I don't know. Nothing but an exit affair I guess.
Well, she's getting ready to spend 6 weeks with him.
I've been thinking about writing a letter to get some closure. Just to say I have lots of fond memories and will miss our conversations.
Okay, I'm way overdue on a paper so have to get back to that. Feeling okay, but don't know why this week has been so emotional. Guess it comes in waves, but geeso, thought I'd be past this point by now. Guess I'm not distracted enough with GAL.
