I like martinis or apple-tinis even. You know I used to think I was just so closed minded and I started getting closer to my SIL and we talked alot about the M. Then H moved in there and she is too accepting and blabbed to all her friends about whatever he told her and next thing you know her friends are checking him out and H invites the slut OW to her house and SIL is nice to her. And I am basically done with all my in-laws and their dose of crazy. My H claims SIL was not OK with OW being there. But I am resentful of it anyway. Something for Shay to work on Someone slap me if I see a witchdoctor. Pam: I told H last night he can now end his MLC, he is 40. I really think this has a lot to do with their meltdown- the turning 40 thing is NOT a coincidence! So you have until OCT ! LOL Shay
mmmmmm....PMA boost....appletinis well, had a good night last night without H (H went to Reds game with work function)...I got a ton of things accomplished! Met my short term goals: ran for 50 minutes ( I am training for a half marathon in sept )which really made me feel better. Washed my car! and emptied the garden fountain , refilled with water. H called a couple of times and then called a little tipsy. I told him if he didnt show up at our house I was giving away all his b-day cake and presents. He of course had to go to sister's house then came at midnight because this is his way of dealing with staying over, sister was on the way home from the game. Kind of funny, all H's work buddies saw the card and cookies for his 40th and all are toasting and harassing him- balloons etc...all because of my delivery there. Otherwise they would not know, H seems to like this. Remember, I was an embarrassment for his toxic work network of friends. I was kept very seperate. So this kind of makes me smile . I was very lonely last night although I was so productive. Told H this when he called after the game and he said he wanted to come home anyway. Baby step. Pam: are you a runner? the half marathon is at Miami University and goes into Indiana- I could meet you there! run together?
Thank you so much for stopping by my thread! I'm sorry I haven't visited you in a while. I can't wait to catch up and see how things are going with you. I appreciate your encouragement very much. I'm trying to be patient. Hope you have a great day!
Mockers2
"Somehow we survive, and tenderness frustrated does not wither." Dennis Brutus, South African poet
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks Mockers~!! Very blah day today, getting impatient and self rightious about myself and my being the one to make concessions and deal with H's bad behavior etc. So, PMA flatlining today. H will not hear about it though! Friday night H went out with guys from work and I got a major flashback to all the crap I used to deal with on Fridays. I was very shaky and upset- so I mowed the grass to calm myself. H called me about 5 times to chek on me- I told him I was very anxious and worried. This helped tremendously. Saturday we had a really good day, and went to the gambling boats- We actually won !! And had lots of fun. H said he thought he was starting to feel OK! And was smiling! I told him that was really good and he looked happier. Not sure how to respond without pressure on him. Earlier in the week he said he had strong conflicting emotions: I thought oh no! the OW again! but I think he meant to stay or not to stay. Sometimes he missed me and other times he needed to get space. If he can just do this without staying at his sister's then we could solve this a different and more convenient way. Like taking a walk instead of driving downtown ... H might get a new job! I am very excited! Different building less stress and new start AND a promotion! Hope it works for us. That is about it. I ran 10 miles yesterday to prepare for a 13 mile race in Sept. I was very happy with myself for doing it and felt good most all day! That is about it. H asked me to look at an Enneagram-his C gave him homework to rank his top 3 and he want mine too. Guess I have some reading to do tonight! BTW, anyone hear of this before? 7 personality types that help you see the " dark side" of you and your spouse. ?? More of SIL voodoo.... Shay
I am reading about Enneagrams and a couple of things interesting to me and maybe others are these comments: "sins are experiences of powerlessness" I guess me and H fall into this category- H with the A and me with the obsessing!
Also: MLC is especially hard on the personality type that defines themselves by winning or losing. for everyone it is a time of letting go of achievement as the center for life...hmmm so if winning is this person's self worth gage then, this MLC hits them between the eyes.... more later... Shay
So is your H any better since turning 40???? I would like to think David will be better before October but not holding my breath at this point, as he has now almost stopped coming to visit or calling.
I WISH I were a runner! It would probably be fun. Told David about it when he was here last Sunday and he said start running. Like it is something you could get ready for in a short amount of time! So where at does it come into Indiana? That sounds like a LONG race!
The new job sounds great! Less stress is always good!!!!!!!!
So how did the homework go from the C? Sounds sort of interesting but I had never heard of that before. Our C never gave us any homework, but I don't think she was real good.
I'm thinking letting go has to be a key part of this whole crappie process!!!
Doing better and the Zoloft is definitely helping!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thanks Pam- hope you are OK- hang in there- be mysterious and confident if it kills you! I havent been on the board in a few days so have to catch up. This is a long race- starts at Miami University and goes over the state line into Indiana and back- kind of crazy! I just take it slow and have fun . It gives me a goal to aim for, kind of keeps me sane! I ran a painful 10 very hot miles yesterday on my day off and ran the kids around most of the night- soccer and basketball. A couple of things happened this weekend- first of all, my kids all spent the night at friends houses and H and I were alone!~ so were my brother and SIL so we went out with them Friday night and had fun. Then as we got home, H stripped an hopped in bed rather than go to sisters or a drive or whatever! This had a really good feeling! Then on Saturday we took the kids to a festival and H put them to bed got annoyed at their antics and asked if he could take my car for a drive to cool off. I read a little and turned out the lights - H comes back and gets in again!!!!!! No notice, I dont ask (should i?) and we fall asleep. Sunday he goes into work and comes home- Me and D7 are sleeping in our king bed and I have a huge smile- H liked it but suspicious about if its Ok to come back . Last night H goes to sisters and comes back at midnight saying he couldnt sleep- she was noisy. So I dont know if this was an experiment or H saw his C again. Should I ask?
I thought about writing down everything I have been through in a journal- maybe no one will ever see it but maybe some day H can see it and I can feel understood. This is what seems to be an underlying issue for me. And venus and mars talks about it I think. that is about it- we had an argument we worked through. H is very jealous of MF, that isnt really a friend of mine much. Especially if it comes between H and me but kind of crazy, he makes a big deal about this when he had the A!! Shay
I like the frequency of your H's sleep overs!!! He's sure a lot more comfortable at home than when I first started posting to you!
Quote: I thought about writing down everything I have been through in a journal- maybe no one will ever see it but maybe some day H can see it and I can feel understood. This is what seems to be an underlying issue for me
Do it! Even if it's never read by anyone else, it's worthwhile. I have about 200+ pages of journalling from Aug to about March. I journal more sporadically now, my bb posts serve that purpose at this point.
Quote: H is very jealous of MF, that isnt really a friend of mine much. Especially if it comes between H and me but kind of crazy, he makes a big deal about this when he had the A!!
CJ was that way too, Shay. I clearly remember the night last fall when we went out to a bar and he said to me before we left "go ahead...dance with anyone you want to" (not something he would have said pre OW)
So I DID...I had a ball!!! Two girlfriends and I teased a 19 yearold some, who then threw his arm around me on our way out....Well CJ pushed him away and laid claim to me.
This was WHILE he was with OW!!! (I didn't know that).
And after it all came out, CJ was convinced I was flirting and finding a replacement on the bb!!!
A lot of that is classic projection....if THEY could do it!!! Why not us???
Actually, Shay, I think that a bit of jealousy on their part may be a good thing (too much is NEVER good!)...
After all, people are not jealous of something they don't care about losing, are they?
Hey Shiny! Thanks for the feedback- journaling is needed- maybe I will write a book some day as my new career. hmmmm. H and I had a OR talk the other night. We talked about his feelings and I didnt interrupt but listened!! 180 for me. H needs to figure out how to get happy he said. The A was a chemical reaction in his brain he says and "loves great lie" he says referring to that initial feeling you get when you meet someone and they can do no wrong. It was hard to end it because he had something with her that we didnt have and I guess that was conversation and support which we are working on more. He said that was "history" anyway as in the OW which I keep thinking of and gives me comfort. He said she would call at midnight on his cell wanting to see him etc. His C told him I was a safety net for him but he disagreed. More like a more difficult R to deal with. H has never trusted me or anyone I think. Reads into everything and said he assumed I would always leave him. He said he was trying something different this week obviously, since he had been staying. He still felt anxious at times and liked better when he didnt stay for a while and then loved when he eventually does. but this is no way to live he says. He said maybe we could talk this weekend. He said sometimes he thinks the A was a huge mistake and sometimes just a little one! Depending and talked about coworkers cheating while in Thailand, not condoning it it says, but it is more common than you think. Getting some perspective? Or maybe justifying so he can live with it? I told him he seemed like an alien back then and he said " I am still not right" still looks at other women but guesses guys just do that maybe. Yuck! Last night I asked him is he survived our discussion and said yes fine. When he asked me, I told him I liked hearing that it was "history" and he repeated that it was. H is getting a new job! away from OW even more! May be less stressed out as its a research job more for a new jet. and a promontion- H measures himself through career I think. Anyway, this is long and full of rambling but another OR discussion that went ok right? Shay
I like martinis 
. I was very lonely last night although I was so productive. Told H this when he called after the game and he said he wanted to come home anyway. Baby step. 
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