Yes Baggy...it is a compliment in many ways. I have come such a long way and Ali - well she sounds like she is doing just GREAT.
Well ok, here it is...new topic titled:
WHY I AM DIFFERENT THAN MOST PEOPLE
First I have to request in advance that if any of you are Christians, please don't bring that to the table here on my thread, ok? I have respect for everyone and I respect the views of Christians, but this one could go sour fast if anyone tries to tell me I am a sinner for being who I am. (You can think it all you want, of course. Just don't try to debate it with me here, please).
OK why am I different than most people? Because I am bi-sexual.
I wish that was a simple thing to be. But it is not.
Given how confusing sexuality is to even the straightest person, well, times that by a thousand and that's where you are if you are bi-sexual. Actually being gay is less confusing than being bi.
I have known I am bi-sexual since I was a very young child. It caused more than a little bit of problems for me.
It has caused problems in nearly all of my relationships as well. There is so little good information out there for bi-sexual people or for the people who love them.
Gay people don't really relate to you because they feel you are at least half-way for the other team and they don't respect the other team (being that most gay people feel oppressed by the straight community).
Straight people usually think that if a woman is bi-sexual, that just means she will "do anyone" and that she must "dig threesomes". The male fantasy of having two women at the same time has bled into the collective consciousness of what a bi-sexual woman is. Which is really sad.
So to clear things up - I do NOT want group sex of any kind. And I will NOT just "do anyone". IE: bi-sexual does not mean hyper-sexual.
I have very feminine looks and curves, but I have a very androgenous overall feel, thoughts, tastes, personality, etc. This is why I can relate to men so well, or at least part of the reason why.
For instance, I totally get why boobs are so great and why men love them. I love them, too. I mean I really GET it...whereas most straight girls can kind of get it, but they don't have desire for it themselves so there is a part missing in their "getting it".
Anyway...on with it...
My sexual archetype has been a jumble of confusion for so long. My poor ex-h really didnt have a chance with me when I really look back at things. He was so patient but...well it is really going to take a *different* kind of person to be able to be with me.
In my current relationship, my bi-sexuality really frightened my fiance at first. He had some past baggage having to do with what he called some "bi-sexual" women...but when I heard more of the details of those situations, I don't think they were bi women at all. But regardless, his past fears were brought up the moment I told him straight out that I am bi-sexual.
We have worked through it for the most part. He fully trusts me now on all levels and he finally now loves me for who I am, including the bi-sexual side of myself. This has taken us quite some time, patience, talking, etc. I have come to expect it from any partner: that they will immediately be threatened by my sexuality. Which is so sad, because it means they are threatened by who I am. This hurts of course, but I have learned to see things from their side. I have had to kind of create for myself "gay glasses" and "straight glasses", so I can try to view myself from those other glasses and see why people are threatened.
Back to the archetype...for the most part, if you are straight, at least the world will kind of validate you one way or another. "Nice girls don't" at least puts you in a category of "nice girl". At least its "nice".
If you are bi-sexual, you learn pretty quickly that you are put in a deviant category at best, or a "you must want to do anyone, you skank" at worst. This is a very harsh message to come into a young girl's mind, and definitely doesn't make you feel "nice".
You find no one that can understand the thoughts you are having. Whereas straight people can always find someone to talk to if they try.
I attempted to explore my sexuality, like most teens do. But I was quickly shot down and pushed into a corner (figuratively).
I stayed in the corner for many years. I basically had to just pull myself up by my bootstraps one day and say "hey DQ, you know what you are, now go and find out how to express it". My feeble attempts after that point were slightly satisfying, but mostly just sad and pathetic.
Finally I had a long term relationship with a woman. And during that relationship I finally learned so much more about myself. I have tried very hard since then to really embrace myself and not hide from who I am. And not to listen to the messages that I am either a skank or a deviant or (to the gay community) a "breeder who goes both ways". It has been a long road.
So Baggy, as far as being a switch, well the gay community would call me a switch-hitter. In BDSM/gay terms, I would be a top femme or a bottom femme, ie: swithc, but never a butch top or bottom. In straight BDSM terms I am not definable, for various reasons.
My man is totally straight, just to keep that clear.
In my preferences, I prefer very masculine, big men, and feminine women. But...well, I have some weirdnesses.
For instance, I first saw Rocky Horror Picture Show at the very impressionable age of 13. I was getting in touch with what bi-sexual meant at that point, and that was the ONLY movie or other media image or message I had ever seen that included any aspect of bi-sexuality at that point. Of course it also included the aspects of group sex, passing partners around, rape (or heavily coerced/forced sex), and general weirdness and monsters and aliens...so what did this say about ME?
Hopefully you can get an idea of how confused I was. Poor little kid I was, I'm telling you. It was a strange life.
Anyway, Rocky Horror really influenced me, and at this time, I can't help but be totally attracted to basically everyone in that movie. Frank N. Furter totally turns me on. But so does Janet. And also the weird brother/sister people (what sickos, but kinda cool). And Meatloaf. And Brad. The only cast member that didn't do much for me was the professor in the wheelchair, but when he spontaneously had women's shoes and stockings on in the end, that part intriuged me too.
In the gay community they call it Gender F*ck, when people are messing around with their own gender (either by dress up or other ways). But they reserve it for themselves, and straight or bi people are not really seen as being valid when they attempt something similar.
So even when my sexuality laid dormant for years and years, I at least read everything I could and stayed on top of trying to know or understand gay/straight/bi issues. This is why I am so inexperienced in practice, by very knowledgable nonetheless.
Anyway...there's the beginning of my opening that door...there is obviously much more to it.
At least I am no longer afraid to say that I am bi-sexual out loud. My mom knows, my kids know, my man knows, so who else would I worry about knowing.
Cheers and feel free to ask questions, and I will eventually be back with more.
