Thanks everybody, I just hate the anxious feeling. But, you gotta do what you gotta do, so I will and not just for me but for my wonderful kids that are counting on me.
H4H, only you will know when it is time. I don't like that I have to make this my time but the whole deal with my wreck just helped me see how far gone he really is. I deserve someone who would actually care about something like that and know how upset I was/am.
He may never come back and that is ok and if he ever wants to come back, my guess is that I will be gone long past caring.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kat, do you think that at some point, it should have been you to file? Or would you have let it play out the same again. If he wanted out, he had to file.
I'm just trying to think, if he felt the same exact way that he does, but never filed. It just dragged on. How would you feel about that, I wonder? Would it keep making you have hope?
I'm asking for my own selfish reasons.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 07/11/0807:37 PM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
When he was over all of the time, that was hard because like Jeff says everytime he left he was leaving me again all over. I know we still have a strong connection it has just taken one hell of a beating. I also am not thinking about being his friend as long as OW is in the picture. He knows that.
As far as filing, I wasn't wanting to give up and we were still having lots of family time that was good, so I would have left it up to him. If he hadn't file by this time and had still acted the way he did about my fender bender, I would have filed.
It has taken me a long time. He hasn't been this distant for the whole time this has been going on,he has been sitting on the fence. I think OW must be putting pressure on him too. I know he is not thinking, she is like me in someways, kids, work and school then my H, those are her priorities and pretty much in that order. H won't be first, poor baby.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I should say that I hope that too. I'm trying to set small goals/tasks for myself to get me out there every few days but it is going to take time. I'll get there.
maybe I should have looked for a female ballbreaking L too but it's too late now.
kat
Goals are good. Yeah, just simple ones like tennis w/the kids or whatever is what I've been doing, too. Too bad about the female ballbreaking L b/c I'd be willing to share mine (know you can't though in another state)....Bummer! Karen
Kat, do you think that at some point, it should have been you to file? Or would you have let it play out the same again. If he wanted out, he had to file.
I'm just trying to think, if he felt the same exact way that he does, but never filed. It just dragged on. How would you feel about that, I wonder? Would it keep making you have hope?
I'm asking for my own selfish reasons.
H4H, not Kat, but I did have in my mind that if my H hadn't filed I was going to set some kind of deadline or date and do it myself--I didn't want to wait forever while my H was dating or living with OW or whatever. I know I would have waited probably a year or two, but then I don't think so after that. At a certain point, if your WAS won't give up the OP, obviously you can't wait forever with her keeping you as Plan B or whatever. I have read several times that you will know when it is time; don't know if that is true, but maybe people just finally get too tired of waiting or whatever. I think you should follow the 48 hour rule also; if you feel like filing the paperwork then I'd wait 48 hours to do it and see if you feel the same. It's obviously such a final thing; you would want to be sure. In some ways I guess it was easier for me that my H filed b/c I didn't have to figure that stuff out. Karen
Been thinking of you Kat! You can make it. I had to tell at least 20 people today that I am divorced. Very difficult to do. But I made it through my rough day and so will you.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Mine has just gotten dragged out until at least next week. Let's get it over with already!
kat
Kat, is that right your H filed over 7 months ago and it still isn't final until next week or something? That is so long to go through that. Plus the L bills must be bad, too! Is that b/c your H was kind of dragging his feet or whatever and you couldn't come up with a solution or was there something else? We don't have anything like that, but we don't agree on anything so I'm worried that could be bad and take a long time....I'd love to be at the end also... Karen
Karen