One of the things that keeps coming up with you is the patience thing. You have to understand.. you really don't want this to go fast. The WA was a reset button of sorts. She pushed it and now you really are starting over. Yes there is some stuff that lingers.. but truly you are getting a fresh start. If you put her return on a pedestal.. and look and yearn for it.. it is going to show up in everything you do. The other thing is right now.. you have a reason to focus on being "good". The reason you are focusing is because of the dramatic change in your relationship. If she came back right now.. things would go back to what they were pretty quick. You would lose the "pressure" of everything that is happening. Look over in piecing.. this stuff does not stop when they come back. Really the more time you have to focus on the things you can change the more likely they are to be lasting changes. As much as I hated hearing it.. time is a good thing.
The letter is good.. but it won't come across to her the way it was written.
The best way to win at this is to show them with your actions. You don't have to say a word.. just show them. Make solid decisions based on what you want from life and a relationship. Seriously.. you are starting over.. you can't look back on the things you did and try to make them right. Neither can she. You got to look forward and apply the changes to make your life better. If they follow along.. great. You really have to stand out.. and not let this stuff beat you down. Yes I know it is hard.. but it can be done.
"the thing that scares me is i see what i've done to her..... pretty clearly. I'm scared she won't think i can change... that i'll be like that forever. i know i'm changing..and i know she knows. i'm afraid it won't be enough."
Its easy to see where things went wrong.. It does not matter whether she thinks you can change or not. You do it for you.
It was not that long ago.. Smartcookie came here and was scared to post. She swore she could not bend (I called it Fight the Power.. cause she did not like the word bend). Look at the change that has taken place and the person that has stepped out of that fear. You gotta stand up.. brush yourself off.. move your junk around.. and start walking again. You are going to screw it up.. no doubt.. you can't let that get you hung up. You screwing up.. just lets you know what to stay away from. Don't be afraid of being you. You were good enough once. You can be good enough again. Even if she says you can't.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
