I am a little down tonight. I drove home from work in a good mood, walked in the house and gave H a big kiss in front of the guy fixing the kitchen. H was surprised and then acted like I was being suspicious or down, kept saying you are acting really weird. Truth is he turned my good mood into a bad mood with all his surmising about my mood. We went to the store and asked again and I said do you want to know ? I was in a good mood but all the intuition you have is putting me in a bad one and then I thought about FOL's wife and that made me think about how she knew OW name and probably your whole family does and I started obsessing. H hugs me and says he is worried about me- no comments making me feel better like- she is out of the picture or dont worry about her any more. H says I hate when you get like that - I get quiet and dont talk much because it makes me feel like you are a stranger and we dont connect. We then get in the tub and I tell him that he didnt say much about OW has he seen her? A couple of weeks ago at work. Did you talk? No. Then lots of silence. H says he feels uncomfortable talking about it. Has lots of feelings and cant explain why- as in uncomfortable. H says he wonders if he should not see me and then thinks things are a little better. Then he sleeps over and wakes up feeling good like today. But other days feels bad- crazy like he doesnt want to be here. THen he just thinks he is being psycho. Says his sister is probably sick of him being there and he doesnt talk to her because she has a big mouth. She suggested a therapist but he wasnt sure she knew anything about if she was good or not. I had looked someone up for him too. Says he doesnt tell me all his bad feelings because I act weird and he just works through it by himself. I guess I am remembering these things correctly. I tried to just listen and lighten the mood a little. I really dont know what I should do - I want him to talk to me but I get so upset or angry that he is putting me through this and keeps hanging on to bad feelings like he needs them to keep me at a distance. I guess I withdraw. What should I do? I think he has feelings for OW still but chooses to not follow them. Why else wont he talk about it more? I dont know what to do. He left feeling down - is this ok? He says it is.
Then we discussed sex and he says he feels he never meets my expectations or makes me feel good. He didnt meet my expectations tonight by what he didnt say about OW- i told him I wanted him to say dontworry about her and he didnt.
Sex: his love language
acts of kindness: mine
I wouldnt have sex- he was unkind - viscious circle
We talked about it too and he seems to not believe what I say. I most always feel he is a great lover- he doesnt believe me because he doesnt meet my needs??? Not sure on this one. self esteem? me not validating?
help if anyone has insight I would appreciate!
Shay