For the Guy with kids and a WW 6

[hopeful4her]

Wife and girls came at about 10pm last night. Quick snack and then to bed for the kids. Roomie took her purse into the bathroom for her shower??? I was watching the beginning of "Urban Cowboy". One her favorites. The comes and lays down on the bed and starts to fall asleep. I ask if she was watching the movie, and she said sort of. I turn off the tv.

Laying in bed for a few minutes, I start the conversation.

"So what brought on your temper yesterday?"
"Ummmm"
I give her a minute.
"Was it one thing or a mix of things?"
"Uhh, probably a mix of things. I did start my period yesterday."
A couple minutes later.
"What else was it? You were in such a good mood on Tuesday. Was it the account?"
"Yes, that started it."
"Why?"
"I was frustrated, Roger. We can never get ahead."
"Believe me, I know. I get frustrated, too. I don't like it, either."
I let a couple more minutes pass.
"What scares you, Clarissa?"
"Hmmnn?"
"What scares you. I mean what are you most afraid of at this point in our situation?"
Quiet.
Laying there a bit, I figured out that she fell asleep.

Ok, conversation over.

I get up this morning. I start my day. I wake up wife. I iron my clothes and I hear her get up. By the time I get back to the bedroom, she is bundled up and laying on my side of the bed. I look at her. She "feels" me looking at her and she tells me she doesn't go in until 9:30. I let her sleep. I wake her up later. We are quiet with each other again. I am leaving while she is ironing her clothes. I tell her to have a good day. She didn't hear me. She stops and say, "What?"

"I said to have good day" a little short with her.
"You have one too", almost sarcastically.

What are we doing? What am I doing? This is not how I want things to go with us.

I have to maintain the high road concerning us.

Our financial situation upsets her. It upsets me, too. We got ourselves in this situation. Not just me. But she saw the bank account, and took two steps backward.

Just like that. Our same thing. One step forward and then two steps back. Isn't that just like her. All the good we were getting to, then its just erased by her frustration. Like she was going over the other day. Negatives.

Will try to continue that conversation tonight if possible.

Also going to send her an email. Just say hi and let her know that I get frustrated too, but we are in this sitch together. It is also frustrating to me to have her swing her extreme emotions.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Unfortunately we are back in the proverbial doghouse at the slightest things these days. But, as Puppy and others have mentioned to me many times, no matter what the incident, IT IS ALWAYS OUR FAULT (at least it is to the WW). Try to stay calm and do not react - you did well.

At some point, we all need to stand back and remember "This too shall pass". Easier said than done I know.

[hopeful4her]

Yea, bud. Of course, it is ALWAYS our fault. Everything.

When she got home, and I showed her the printout of our account. I told her that the day before, I assumed she looked at the account when she was looking at her account online. She says she did, but it wasn't that low. She forgets we have some things withdrawn electronically. Insurance, mortgage and several of her credit accounts. I'll have to remind her to cancel or change the debit account on those, btw.

Here is me taking the high road with an email:


"Hi.

I figured your still mad at me so I thought I would stop by and say hello to you.

You know, I..... never mind. Won't give my feelings on work email.

Just like us. One step forward, two steps back.

Anyway, I just checked on the girls. They're fine. They ate lunch. You probably spoke to them already, though. I just finished a delicious fried baloney sandwich. Mmmmmm. Save me a piece of the steak you had for lunch.

Just kidding. You don't really have to save me a piece

Are Frances and Joe coming in town? If not, I'd like to take the girls to Fiesta Texas tomorrow.

THANKS TO SECURITY SERVICE FOR THE DISCOUNT TICKETS.

Have a great rest of the day."


Since her emails seem to get screened, I thought I would give a shout out to her employer.

I'll keep trying to talk to her until she doesn't want me to talk to her anymore. Will have to be more upbeat around her. I haven't been lately. Just quiet.

My ultimatum decision will teeter on if and when she leaves. I just don't see how she is going to do it.

[kat727]

Sadly, they seem to find a way, hopefully not in your case.

kat

[lost_in_space]

Isn't it strange how one day we seem to be so in control and the next day so the opposite? Keep taking the high road. At least you are getting some response from your WW. I walked in yesterday and said hi to mine twice, right in front of D16, and got ZERO response. Pretty weak, childish, foolish, etc etc.

You have been e-mailing consistantly, so this is not out of character. The only part I wonder about is
"You know, I..... never mind. Won't give my feelings on work email.

Just like us. One step forward, two steps back." but that is up to you.

After looking at our finances, I am not sure how WW thinks her life won't be totally changed (as will that for our K's). You are in the same boat. Why don't they get it?

Keep the faith, keep plugging, and try to keep a PMA.

[karen43]

After looking at our finances, I am not sure how WW thinks her life won't be totally changed (as will that for our K's). You are in the same boat. Why don't they get it?

I have the same thing in our sitch. My H has been running up the credit cards for the past year so I believe both of us will probably be pretty broke after the D: of course I will have less, but H also is going to have to pay child support/alimony probably. He has figured out that I will be broke and said so several times (kind of rude) but has told me several times that he thinks he will have more money after the D. I wonder could the OW and his best friend who have been divorced be telling him this kind of stuff to encourage him to D? His best friend's ex makes more money than he does so a much different sitch than ours. Are they just in fantasyland, they want what they want freedom and independence and delude themselves into everything will be great like a D is some wonderful thing? It's hard to understand for me, too... Karen

[hopeful4her]

I did get a response from her. In person, she never ignores me. She will always acknowledge me if I tell her or ask her something. Hard for her to be THAT rude.

Emails and texts are different. I am usually surprised by a response from her. Not much to it this time:



"I'm not upset, just overwhelmed. And NO, I didn't have steak, I had Subway. I need to call her tonite to see if they are still coming. The girls want to go to Spectrum again tonite, just to work out."

Hard to tell if she was still mad or not. Sometimes she doesn't get my humor.

I have responded:



"Ha ha. I bet your sandwich just had beef. Mine had beef, chicken and pork! Might have been knuckles, snouts, and beaks all mixed together, but still. Mmmmmm.

I assume you'll be getting off pretty late. Do you want me to get them ready and just meet you at Spectrum? Not that I'm trying to invite myself or anything I should only be here until a little after 6.

Let me know."


We will see how tonight goes.

And she just responded back:


"I'll be here until 6:30, that's fine"

Not very enthusiastic. Oh, well. Doesn't effect me.

[hopeful4her]

Karen, they are so deluded.

I have told wife several times before, "Yes, I know you want out, but at what price?"

The question was for financial and emotional cost.

Considering her bills, one paycheck is short about $100 to be able to cover the rent of her new place. She gets $300 for child support, but will start to give that back to ex, because S14 is moving in with his dad. She may have to pay HIM child support if he goes through the court. That means that the other check in the month she gets has to cover the additional $100 for the rent. The rest has to cover her secret phone(I think she pays this, not sure though), electricity, groceries, gas(a killer), a lot of credit cards.

That doesn't include if I take her off of the car insurance and separate her cell phone that is on my plan.

Considering how we have been struggling right now, living paycheck to paycheck, I just don't see it.

[fightingirish]

h4her,

She is all over the place with her answers to you.

It amazing to me that they never think that things effect us just a much as it does them. Like they are the only one carrying the burden. It's almost like a "poor me" way of thinking, feeling sorry for themselves.

Hang in there!

[lodo]

Hey H4H,

I hear you - you have to wonder what the heck is going on in their heads. My W wanted to take the house. It's in the one of the most expensive markets in the country. The mortgage payment is probably 75% of her monthly pay. Then there are taxes on top of that. That means she has to pay a LOT of the monthly payments out of her savings and inheritance. Bad move, IMO.

Anyway, I'm sorry if the link I posted to Kat shook you up. I thought it was at least a little bit more realistic than DB tends to be. For the longest time I just focused on DB and thought for SURE it'd work out because I was so committed. Boy did I have the rose-colored glasses on! Anyway, we HAVE to try and make things work, but I think we need to be realistic too - and that all leads to what MWD writes anyway, focus on yourself but don't close the door.

Hope you're doing okay - lodo