Thinking about the process of a Retrouvaille weekend. I often talk about the dialogue technique and what a great tool it is for communication. But the weekend is so much more than just learning to dialoque.
Over the course of the weekend, interspersed with the stories of the lead couples, you are asked to answer questions. You share your answers to the questions only with your spouse, in private. The questions are carefully chosen to bring out first your feelings about the past, but then also to bring out your dreams for the future. The process of going through the series of questions is purifying in a way that I can't explain. And there is an intimacy of sharing these answers with your spouse. Who knows? Maybe when we withdraw from each other over time we stop sharing our dreams. Maybe the return to sharing dreams is more important to restoring the marriage than other elements.
I think that is SO true Sara. Not only dreams...but making positive plans for the future together so that you know you are pulling in the same direction...and on the same page. That you have things to look forward to. All of those are so important to my M.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Yep - I was gobsmacked and so hurt by what the OW had 'planned' for her future with MY H . Actually, thinking about this makes me feel a lot better....because I know that H never was able to really realistically see any future plans with OW working - it was all driven by her. I guess that should maybe tell me something
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I consider myself to be a very good cook. (This opinion is confirmed by the kids.) When sauteeing onions with other vegetables, such as yellow squash or zucchini, always begin by sauteeing the onion first, then adding the squash, which in my opinion cooks faster than onion. Result onions and squash both soft and golden in color.
My husband considers himself to be a good cook. (This opinion is not backed up by the kids.) He sautees the squash until it is thoroughly cooked before adding the onion. Result mushy squash and barely warm, uncooked onions.
Last week while he was out barbecuing the steak I threw the onions in with the squash to try to get them cooked. But when he came back in I heard him curse. So this week I am sitting here typing instead.
Sara, Onions first, for sure. When in doubt...prepare what kids likely to eat! lol Seriously, a Retro question. Long before you are presenters, as you know, there are lots of behind the scenes jobs. Have you written your story? Contact the Team, they'll get you started. Our 1st weekend was 11 years ago, our second, just this last Feb. We were sworn to secrecy about program details at both our weekends so I don't feel I can say much more about Retro in an open forum, except I have seen miracles. The onions vs. squash sounds like a great dialog question. HDIF about that communication last night? Just a thought. You can check out my sitch in Newcomers. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Hi Sara. I read some of your posts in BobbiJo's thread. My M has been in trouble for years. My H basically decided two or three years ago he was done, but didn't bother to tell me until a year ago when I confronted him. He moved out last fall and now insists he wants a divorce. H has refused MC, but he has finally gone with me twice for divorce counsling with our Ds' T. Those sessions have been both painful and frustrating because H isn't willing to open up. At this point I have pretty much agreed to the divorce, not because it is what i want, but because I can't keep living this way. I also don't want to keep doing this to the Ds. I did want to do a Retrouvaille weekend and emailed H about it months ago. I got no response about it then so I don't think I could get him to go now. My Ds and I have started looking for a house to move to and H and I are starting to discuss how finances are going to go. When is it too late for Retrouvaille?
. Actually, thinking about this makes me feel a lot better....because I know that H never was able to really realistically see any future plans with OW working - it was all driven by her. I guess that should maybe tell me something 