Help! New to this...still hoping for R

[Rusty]

I would remind people that this is a divorce busting website and not a divorce website (even though I know you aren't married yet). I often think - when looking at others sitch's, how can they stay in that mess - but then I look at myself and I guess it comes down to you love whom you love and when you have so much vested in a relationship you want to exhaust every venue to make it work.

I'm sorry you feel hesitant because you have provided so much excellent advice to others, it isn't right that we can try to help you as well.

[Tink]

Hi thanks I appreciate it. What I wound up doing that time is I contacted a moderator and said I'm trying to get brief solution-orientated advice! She came in and turned things around. But I just don't want to be attacked again.

I'll post it and maybe you and MP53 can come by...

Thanks,

Tink

[Rusty]

Sure - let me know where you are - I am having a tough time alot of times figuring out all the search stuff, etc. I'm not real computer literate, but I'm getting there. Is your computer fixed yet?

[MP53]

I also feel angry and frustrated that we would have no money issues if we were still living together.

I have this issue as well sometimes. Especially when my husband says there is no money for something for the kids (like a class).
I don't know how to combat. I feel this way less often now, than I did earlier in my sitch. Maybe time is a factor.

I called him back after about an hour and told him how I felt about the situation, that I feel worthless and unwanted because I can't find a job and also by him. That I was trying but I couldn't force someone to hire me. He said he understood, and that "whether we are together or not" we have always been good a finding solutions and he wanted to talk with me about alot of things when he gets back from the HS reunion. Said he had a reason for wanting to go and it wasn't what I thought (hooking up), but for confronting some of his childhood issues. (??)
What are your thoughts about this conversation and how should I handle this convo on Sunday?

Rusty, I think you're still looking to him for validation. Which is understandable but not helpful in your goal of attracting him again. You feel bad, you want him to make you feel better, to resume his role as "protector" of you, and he's not into that right now. I understand feeling that way (believe me, I do) but for now you need to try and show your H your confident side.

As far as him telling you that he's going for childhood issues, isn't that a possibility? He might be going to see if he can hook up, but I think you are projecting your fears onto this trip and it's making you cling to him, which is what you don't want to do.

Tell him to go and have a great time and you'll talk to him when he gets back. Basically that's all you can do anyway. You can't stop him from going, right?

And when you talk on Sunday, well, just be open. I'm certain you're worried that it's THE TALK, but divorce is just a piece of paper, and it is not the end, truly.

(((((Rusty)))))

[Tink]

Hi Guys, here is my thread. Thanks, Tink


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1514453&page=0#Post1514453

[Rusty]

Oh it's a definite, as a matter of fact quite probable, possibility that he is chasing some childhood demons - his family history is horrible.
You are so right about my looking to him to be my protector now. Which is so different than I ever was in at least the beginning of our marriage. I was almost too independent and wanted no support or help from him. I was really not a very nice person and would never have let him think for one minute I was needy. When that was exactly what I needed was for him to be the "man" and be my protector.
I'm probably not going to talk to him at all before he leaves now, although he did say he would call me,not sure if he meant today or not??
How do you forward your link to people, because I am afraid this one will freeze like yours did and I don't know how to do the link thing like you have at the bottom of your post?

[Tink]

OK that's it I tried one last time and this time instead of telling me to end it, I get someone telling me that my DF is doing this to end it. That's it I'm not posting here anymore!!!

[MP53]

Well, I didn't do it completely right, Rusty, but under My Stuff at the top of the page, you'll find a pop-down menu. Where it shows My Profile, click that, and go down to the bottom of the page. you can then post the url of your thread there, so that others can click on it and be brought right to this thread.

[Shelby]

Rusty,
I just wanted to thank you, for all the Help you give me. You really help keep me strong and keep things in perspective for me.
I know you are going through a lot of similar stuff also, So I think it is great that you can reach out and help others like me.
Right now I feel like I am just learning how to deal with all this mess but once I do I want to be able to help others more also.

Thank You, Shelby

[Rusty]

Tink - where are you?? I'll look at your post, I haven't seen it yet. Tell me what's going on here if you want to, I don't care. I'd like to help you as much as you have helped me!