Thanks. I have been trying to get it through H's head that we couldn't afford to do this in hopes that he would get his head out of his behind. As I have already admitted, I knew I was going to have the house and would have enough to pay everything, trying desperately to keep us out of bankruptcy.
This entire time I have felt as if I was stumbling in the dark not really knowing what to ask or do. I have probably screwed this up royally.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks. I have been trying to get it through H's head that we couldn't afford to do this in hopes that he would get his head out of his behind. As I have already admitted, I knew I was going to have the house and would have enough to pay everything, trying desperately to keep us out of bankruptcy.
This entire time I have felt as if I was stumbling in the dark not really knowing what to ask or do. I have probably screwed this up royally.
kat
Well, you haven't screwed up at all from what I have seen; you've been doing all the right things and your H is the one screwing up. But you do know that, right??? We are in the same financial sitch as yours I think since my H started the affair he started using our credit cards for hotels and then when he moved out bills, pogo sticks, etc. We can't really afford D either and I think both of us will be really broke after the D. He's figured out I will be but not that he will be also when he gets done paying child support & alimony probably. I've told him that 2 or 3 times, but I give up at this point. I guess eventually our Hs will have to figure that stuff out, maybe? And Kat, what's going on today with you? I wish I could be there in Kansas with you!!! Virtual hugs are so lame!!! ((((Kat)))) Karen
I so wish you could be here too, because all of the other people in my life besides my kids just don't get it. I talked to L briefly and we don't need to go to court since we settled so now we have to wait on paperwork that he will get from the prick L and then he will go over it with me. So now it looks as if doomsday is sometime next week.
To me this seems like you know that you are going to die but then you get a day or two reprieve but the fact remains, you are still going to die. Agonizing!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
To me this seems like you know that you are going to die but then you get a day or two reprieve but the fact remains, you are still going to die. Agonizing!
kat
Yeah, and if you're like me, this has just really been hitting me "this is for real" lately with the L visits and all the D paperwork and everything. I did always have hope that H would come to his senses and all, but don't have that too much anymore. I think mine is going to happen, too, as it looks like yours will. I know our H's are going to kick themselves. B/c honestly I think their lives are going to be worse, and I do believe ours will get better probably. Don't you think that too a little bit?
I should say that I hope that too. I'm trying to set small goals/tasks for myself to get me out there every few days but it is going to take time. I'll get there.
maybe I should have looked for a female ballbreaking L too but it's too late now.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
The financial aspects of D are soooooooo lost on the WS. Kat, you have said as has Karen that this will be costly. I can so relate to that. But my WW doesn't get it. I am sure she thinks I will agree to simply walk away from the house and condo and keep paying the bills. What a joke!
The other "cost" of D that is lost on WS is the impact on the K's. Because of the potential new financial realtity, how many doors will be closed for them that may have stayed open? How many of their dreams will be shattered? That is the part taht really breaks my heart. They didn't ask to come in this world yet they have to pay for the $hit that is going on!
Kat, I understand your feelings.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Kat, it is so difficult to see the end result of what you have been fighting against for so long. At least where it appears to be going. For both you and Karen.
That is why I feel like just dropping my rope with my wife. I'm tired of fighting for what I THINK is hope for her to see the light. I am trying to search myself and thinking of telling her to go through with D papers if she actually moves out.
Like I just want to save myself from going through the possible hell any longer.
Especially after reading the link that lodo provided.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
