Funny, but boundary setting has never been an issue with me except with W, in fact the opposite tends to be true...people find me intimidating and inflexible at work.
Just b/c you can set boundaries at work does not mean you can do it in an R. I am much better at work than in personal R's. Peope are also intimidated by me at work. On the personal front - I still get confused and need to stop and process things when people act "as if" they have right to cross my boundaries...
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I definitely agree with what you are saying, and I have no interest whatsoever in dating someone who is M. (Maybe a double std. on my part...you think?)
With me it was backwards - I did not even think about dating till my D was final. But then again - once I decided to D - I wasted no time pushing it through. I sometimes take time to make up my mind - but once I do - I move quickly and decisively.
The DB'er - well he was convinced that he was "healed" - NOT! He annoyed me to no end when he kept referring to his wife as well his wife - and whining about his W related pain! I do not date men with wives. I do not compete with wives. There is nothing more unattractive than a man that is whining about another woman WHILE pursuing you. And b/c he had read my posts while I was a member of the walking wounded - he knew the main sources of my pain used that to his advantage.
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I think there is nothing wrong with dating post D even if you are still in love with ex...
I am somewhat of a primadonna. I have this thing about being No.1 in a romantic interest's life. Years ago I broke up with a BF b/c he was still not over his GF. She was still No. 1 and trumped me in the R - interfered with my desire to be treated like a princess in an R.
I would question the self esteem of a woman that was willing to date a man that was in love with someone else or that could possibly go back to his W. Sounds to me like the man wants to have his cake and eat it too. It is selfish b/c he is focusing on his own needs with a complete disregard for hers. People are very predictable - it is an indicator of how he will view my needs if the R were to progress. Not interested in that type of R.
That being said - I have lots of platonic male friends through work that I talk to and/or meet on a regular basis - so I do get the male companionship which is very different than female companionship and fulfilling in a different way. Once again b/c they are all M - I have my inflexible and rigid boundaries with respect to these friendships so there is nothing said or done in our friendships that they could not share with their W's.
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If you're like me and haven't had sex since the World Trade Centers were still standing, that becomes difficult.
FLTC I thought I was the resident BB born again virgin! Looks like you have me beat.
