Yep, I'm worried about my financial sitch. My L is good and she's trying to do the best she can for me but unfortunately there are some barriers to getting my name off the mortgage right away. Also, I really don't want the house- it's a fixer upper in a not so nice neighborhood. The house is not likely to sell very soon at all. We may have to put considerable money into it to get it to sell. Looking back, I don't know why we bought it in the first place, it was a bad decision. Nor do I want to stay living in town even. I need to get out of here- I've wanted to move to the West Coast for years. Anyway.... First issue- H already applied for a refinance right away in early June and then got declined through 2 banks. His banker told him that if he pays off his past due bills (joint bills) then his credit score can improve within a few months. H also has a cosigner, which he'll need to get approved. His bank told him to come back in 6 months. Second issue- our mortgage company will charge $2,500 penalty fee if we refinance the home within 2 years of purchase- the 2 yr date is Jan 15, 2009. So, basically, H needs to wait until Jan to do the refinance. The timeframe my L suggested was it needs to get done by next yr Feb. There's no way the house would sell before then anyway. My L even went as far as to say that it's my best bet to wait and see if H can get approved for his refinance since the house is not an attractive deal and it's a bad market right now. It's pretty much out of the question that I continue to live w/ H until next year, so here I sit. My L has a temporary order proposed (which includes this refinance agreement and a 50% payment of equity to me and that H pays the mortgage on the house since he has temporary possession) that we want H to sign before I leave. H is having his lawyer review it this week. There is a 120 day waiting period in my state for a D to be finalized- that is why the temporary order is needed in the meantime. Yep, I'm pretty much regretting buying this house with H already.. I used my savings and a gift from my family for the down payment, so I know I need my 50% equity payment. H has no problem adding that into his refinance, it's just a matter of him getting approved and when. There's no way I'm signing the house to him before he refinances. If it means I have to postpone finalizing the D, I guess it means that b/c I am not losing my rights and getting screwed even more.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
Well that sounds a little bit more reasonable and it also sounds like you have a lawyer who is looking out for your best interests. It's just too bad for you that you'll have to wait that long to get your money.
Leaving and going back to the coast and being around people who love you will give you the fresh start that you'll need. Too bad we couldn't all be so lucky!
Yes, there's a good chance that things can work out w/ H's refinance, but I guess there's also the nightmare that H will not get approved ever... which means I'm looking at more and more legal fees for my L to make sure the house goes on the market and that H will do what it takes to get sold. But,in any case I have my L to help me through this- so I guess I should take comfort in that.
Bethie, you're in IL? I'm up in WI- last winter was insane!!
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
So, just when I think I can cope with my sitch- things start getting nuts again. H informed me today he has no plans for paying his 50% of our joint past due bills and will not agree to 7 months time to refinance- he wants a limitless deadline. H gets irate when I say then the house has to sell- he's determined to keep this house. H is an argumentative person with a temper and chose an L who likes to argue too. Great. H won't get a regular job, nor will he borrow money from his family- he thinks his music business is his only possibility (which does not bring in much $!!) Let me tell you the attitude this guy has is bigger than life. H sees his L tomorrow to talk his ideas over. Insane!*&* Of course, there's no way I'm agreeing to his nonsense, so my L bills may now be going up- great. Everything is in place for me to move in 2.5 weeks- not like I could continue to stay here much longer and I majorly don't want to. H makes snide remarks to me everyday. Then, H's roommate plans to move in Aug 1. I really need to have this temporary order agreed to and signed before I leave - So I'm stressed out about what kind of state I will be leaving in again.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
Better news today. H is about to sign the temp order documents with no changes to the terms. Thank you!!!! He's so up and down, which does make me uneasy about how responsible he will actually be before everything gets settled. Next we have to wait 120 days before the D can be finalized(my state's law). I really hope that H can get approved for his refinance. Of course, I'm making sure I have a good legal protection in the final D re: my rights and the sale of house if H can't refinance. My L is good, and I trust her- so I guess I'll just trust this. H is motivated to keep trying to get approved for the refinance b/c he wants the pride of being the sole owner of the house.
Last edited by New Path RJ; 07/11/0801:34 AM.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
On another note, I've been trying hard to detach and just think of the logistics, but sometimes it's just too much and emotions take me over. H is not an emotional person- and has been acting like a military sargent for the last few months pretty much. In early May, is when he snapped and wanted this D. Starting that night he slept on the sofa and has every night since. Now he's complaining about when he can have his bed back (when I'm gone). He's very happy about this D- thinks he's liberated and doesn't understand why didn't I leave him 4 years ago during our previous S when I tried so hard to piece back our M together. Ever since the word D came out of his mouth H made his 30 second decision that he wants this D 150% and has never backed down. He feels relieved and at peace with the whole thing. In fact, he claims he feels no pain about me leaving at all (which I think is a lie- but H is so macho, he'd never admit) There is possible OW- but I only have proof that it's an online EA at this point. I think he just doesn't want to be 'tied down' anymore and wants the freedom to get together w. OW at his band shows if he wants to. This is the same thing he said during our last S 4 years ago. He wants his freedom. At that time he even asked me if we could have an non-manogomous relationship and I said NO WAY! None of this is that easy for me- I feel sad, then doubtful, then angry, then lost- then all over again. I know I deserve better than this- but I also know it's going to take me some time to transition and heal myself after this R. I think the next few months, I'm going to need the most strength and support b/c I'm starting over in a new city, looking for a new job, trying to get settled on my own so I won't have to live w. my parents for too long (another stress in itself in some ways). I just visited my family last month for 10 days, and had a preview of what it will be like living there. I was already feeling the loss of my own home, my jobs, my independence...but I must know this is only a transition. I can't fall apart, right?! I haven't spent more than 2 weeks living w. my parents in over 15 years- so there will definitely be some adjusting for me.....
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
Of course your wracked with emotion. That's a very healthy reaction. One of the worst things is that until you've made the transition your dealing with the fear of the unknown, plus you still have a lot of healing to do. The very best part of this move is that you are putting distance between your old life and your new one which will make disengaging so much easier.
I'm glad that your H seems to at least agree to what your lawyer has listed. That's a blessing in itself.
As far as moving back home goes, well that will be an adjustment but you can do anything when you know that it's just temporary!
hey hon)))))))))) glad to hear the dork didnt' change things on you, prayers that he gets that house refinanced, due to the foreclosures the banks are wary about anyone buying/refinancing, as months go by things are bound to get better on the house market.
Quote:
H made his 30 second decision that he wants this D 150% and has never backed down. He feels relieved and at peace with the whole thing
He's relieved his fogged mind has come up with A decision... you could've been talking about my stbx on the above statement. So "free" that he finally found peace, yea right, after months of not knowing what the hell he's doing he chooses the easy way out, well, the seemingly easy way out, now reality is setting, he's wondering how he'll take of kids or make ends meet. Same with your H, pretty soon reality will come to la-la land, he just doesn't see it now nor will admit to it.
Cry and vent and cry, dont' hold it don't deny it, it's worse when you do. Look at moving to the new place as a great opportunity to start a whole new life, new people new places. If I haven't recommend it to you yet please read "the spiritual D",it will help you get you in the right frame of mind, the book encourages you to use the D as a catapult to a new better life. It will be, have faith)))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
'So let's not get tired of what doing good what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up' (Galatians 6:9). Today's Word from Joel and Victoria
Are you believing God for something? Is it taking longer than you thought or expected? No matter how long you may have been standing, don't give up! Your season is coming. Your harvest of blessing is on its way. It might be today, it might be tomorrow, it might be next week, next month or next year, but remember, at the right time you will experience your breakthrough. Be encouraged today because God is faithful and His promises are true. Keep standing, keep hoping, keep believing. Keep doing good. Keep declaring the promises of God over your life. Choose to be around people who are going to encourage you and fill your heart and mind with God's Word. Let a song of praise come out of your mouth. As you continue to press on in faith and keep an attitude of victory, you will see your harvest of blessing and live as an overcomer in every area of your life. A Prayer for Today
Heavenly Father, thank You for Your faithfulness in my life. Fill me with Your strength to keep doing good and standing firm until I see my harvest of blessing. Thank You for Your peace in my life. In Jesus' Name. Amen.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
