I get the "no dating" of DB'ing. It really complicates matters on a number of fronts. What if the spouse "sees the light"? Small chance, but possible. Then what? Also, from what I've read, if you don't give yourself time to reflect on, grieve for and grow from the previous relationship, you may not be entering a new relationship for the healthiest of reasons. Being in a relationship just to replace the old one is a recipe for disaster. Now. what's dating? There's no rule that says you can't enjoy female companionship. Probably as long as intimate contact is not on the immediate horizon, it's probably healthy to a certain degree. If you're like me and haven't had sex since the World Trade Centers were still standing, that becomes difficult. When I was back from Iraq, I went to dinner with a co-worker who had been corresponding with me for the whole year in Iraq. No physical contact, just pleasant talk and a nice dinner. It was wonderful not to contantly be expecting the "ISD": Improvised Spouse Device to detonate when you least expect it. Any conversation with my W. is like the game "Whack-a-Mole" You just never know where the mole will appear next, and how big of a charge he'll be carrying. First thing I did was join a gym when I returned, and watched my diet closer than I did when I was in Iraq, which I was very successful with. Being without alcohol for a year was an epiphany to me. My thought processes had never been more clear. I got by on 5 hours of sleep a night, and felt great. Oh well. Off to the gym. 700 pound leg presses are a great substitute for the pain I feel for my kids over this whole situation.
