Looking for support from other WAS's

[lost3031]

Bridgestone, the compromise option is something I will seriously think about. I think it is something that we could do eventually, although right now the trust issue will probably be a road block for us. Yes, we were high school sweethearts. H was the only boyfriend I ever had - I was a rather insecure teenager and there is a part of me that wonders to this day if I didn't cling to him so tightly because he was the only boy to pay any attention to me... But regardless, we grew up together these last 14 years - so much so that we are basically the same person. And yes, he has always taken care of me, or so to speak, so that I have never had to know what it was like to try to do for myself. And because of my insecurities, I basically molded myself into what I thought he wanted me to be. (Wish I had realized then what a mistake that was!)

When I say that I wish I could still be that person that he thought I was, I wish that for him... not for me. I wish that I could be all that he thought that I was. I like the way you titled that person "his illusion." That's the perfect title for that person! My husband always felt that we had the "perfect" marriage and relationship - all of our friends did too. But they never saw me at my down times, when I was lonely and feeling like I was in a marriage all by myself. That was my fault...

I am beginning to show the "real" me to my husband, albeit slowly. His reaction has been somewhat comical, and sometimes I have to laugh when he seems stumped by some newfound revelation about me, but overall he is being a good sport and taking things in stride. Will he still love me when he finally knows the "real" me? I think so. But will he like me as a person? That I'm not sure about, and that's what worries me...

We've been talking a lot about MC lately - it's costly but we decided that the cost is minute compared to the possibility of ending our marriage. Even though D has been initiated, our intention is to go into our pretrial and ask the judge for a temporary stay so that we can undergo MC.

Wish us luck!!!