--------- I wasn't really sure how to take your words. You said you were sorry and you didn't want to make it difficult. I just wanted some clarification. Did that mean, I'm sorry for embarrassing, disgracing and betraying you? If so, maybe there is some far hope of salvaging something. Or did it mean, I'm sorry for putting a knife in your back and I'm trying to feel better about it? If that's the case you take your smiles, hugs and apologies and shove them. Either way I just wanted to know how to translate it. ----------
I wrote back with an apology from the heart again... way too long. But basically, re-apologized again and tried to validate his feelings. I mean, I totally mean what I said.
The next response I got from him, he totally dumped on me... no accountability for anything for himself. And as I re-read it, I just think, man... I can not win, no matter if this is 'salvageable' or not. He completely blames me for everything, and sadly, is not willing to accept my perspective, my feelings, etc. I 'had' a MySpace account, (I just deleted it.) I used it as my journal. I did not know he was reading it. Seems fitting though. I was venting all my frustrations, my feelings, my perspective, how I saw things... and he totally thinks I 'manipulated the truth' to my friends. Like I betrayed him some evil villain. Well, IT'S HOW I FELT! The same damn feelings he has now, is the same damn feelings I have, but he doesn't, will not, accept or listen to my 'version'. Sigh...
I just feel absolutely sorry for him. He really dumped on me in his last response. I haven't responded back. I think I'll just thank him for being open and honest, and leave it at that. Maybe I should just not respond? I don't know.
When I re-read his letter, I just think, maybe I should just walk away from all of this. He clearly thinks it's all my fault. I would post it, but it's long and there were a lot of personal attacks in it. I feel like I'm suppose to cut my heart out and put it on a platter. I just think, man, is this really worth all of this? How much more pain is a person suppose to endure?
