Whoa there buddy. You've got to get a handle on these emotions, okay? Your world isn't all or nothing. It's a mixture of greys and you have to thread your way between them.
You're still becoming, not being. Nothing is set in stone, so why try and force issues? Why not embrace the now, let yourself rise to the occasion, and see what happens? What do you have to lose - your W? What do you have to gain - everything.
But if you don't learn from this experience and explore the nuances, you'll just repeat it. So slow down, learn patience, take some time, breathe, and think about your own values, your own dreams, your own convictions. That's you. that's who you are. You aren't your W. You aren't the person you were 3 years ago. Embrace the present and make it the best thing it can be.
And as far as the fish, well, yes. A lot of us are guilty of throwing away the one thing that had the most meaning - you don't know what you've lost until it's gone. That said, it takes two. If she couldn't tell you what SHE wanted, or what she NEEDED - well, there were problems. The OM? Bad, bad thing. Be happy that that isn't something you would resort to. For her it was probably an escape. But it just leads down a road of self-destruction. Be patient. Be calm. Be confident in yourself. And see what happens.
