when she listens to me tell her how i feel, she has a sullen look. i know she cares about me. i know she HAS to be thinking about me(not negatively) sometimes.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i need to show her she's making a mistake somehow and that she really still loves me. is this possible ?
Well, I think we've been saying this, but yes. Be the best that you can be for you. Be the goal-oriented, interesting, interested person you probably were when she first got to know you.
When you live your own life and are willing to go after what you want - you're more attractive. And she'll respond to that. But there are many layers of pain and hurt around her heart right now, and if she has an OM, well.... You don't stand a chance with her emotions either.
That said, she's noticing. She's definitely noticing. That's why everyone around here says "Be the greener grass".
And exactly how do you get "knowing" that she cares about you whe she has a sullen look on her face when you tell her how you feel? I would think it was the exact opposite. Sorry, but you're only hurting yourself with denial. If she cared about you, she'd be trying to make the M work. She checked out awhile ago. So be the greener grass. You attracted her once by being who you are.
buster, you're a real joy in interact with. Sorry you're feeling down. Maybe when you're ready for some of our support you can post some more meaningful thoughts. In the meantime I'll assume you're just journaling and don't want responses.
ok sullen was the wrong word. meaningful thoughts, ok. . . it is incredibly hard for me to try and tell myself to wait around for her to come back, especially if it won't happen. I know she can tell me day in and day out to pack my bags emotionally. I need to wake the heck up and smell some coffee somewhere. there's another man, i blew it with her the first time around; might not be a second time around....ever since this started happening, i became needy. I needed my wife, i needed her to love me and be with me to make ME happy. well as much as we say we were put on this earth to make ourselves happy, to do God's will we should make others happy. I failed at that part.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
It's hard when you become alone and isolated after so long, that thoughts of your significant other rack your brain. my judgement is so clouded. I first came on here and read that to save my marriage, I needed to let her be, find her own happiness. but i was still chasing her. she doesn't want to be chased. she wants me off her shoulders.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
everyone here knows that at one point (or still), their spouse was the best thing to happen to them; you start to rely on them for feelings and comfort. I am no different. it is time to start a new chapter though, I know it is. everyone on here has been great. I am still bothered by this because I have feel I have unanswered questions. Obviously I'm not shocked she left anymore - I know why she did. Obviously I have stopped telling myself she's not coming back
Last edited by buster80; 07/11/0805:32 AM.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
other fish in the sea, i'm sure of it, as everyone here can attest. sometimes though, that one fish you catch, or catches you, is the one want you want to keep and not throw back.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
Whoa there buddy. You've got to get a handle on these emotions, okay? Your world isn't all or nothing. It's a mixture of greys and you have to thread your way between them.
You're still becoming, not being. Nothing is set in stone, so why try and force issues? Why not embrace the now, let yourself rise to the occasion, and see what happens? What do you have to lose - your W? What do you have to gain - everything.
But if you don't learn from this experience and explore the nuances, you'll just repeat it. So slow down, learn patience, take some time, breathe, and think about your own values, your own dreams, your own convictions. That's you. that's who you are. You aren't your W. You aren't the person you were 3 years ago. Embrace the present and make it the best thing it can be.
And as far as the fish, well, yes. A lot of us are guilty of throwing away the one thing that had the most meaning - you don't know what you've lost until it's gone. That said, it takes two. If she couldn't tell you what SHE wanted, or what she NEEDED - well, there were problems. The OM? Bad, bad thing. Be happy that that isn't something you would resort to. For her it was probably an escape. But it just leads down a road of self-destruction. Be patient. Be calm. Be confident in yourself. And see what happens.
for some reason I became addicted to coming on here after such a short time; I was directed here by my wife; I thought just by coming here I could turn things around. woops! GAL, GAL, GAL ! smell the roses buster. anyway, everyone's been great. I have a son to raise, and if I love my wife, i'll let her be happy, whether if its with me, or someone else.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
