Officially Here Now

[mishka422]

I think we all are married to the same exact man!

I call my H Disneyland Dad too Ladybug. He does all the fun stuff with our son and I make him do chores, do his homework, be responsible for things, buy him clothes and keep the roof over his head. I have no money for extras for him and no time to do anything fun with him. It really stinks!

[7 Year Itch]

"disneyland Dad" .... I'll have to remember that!

You know the thing that kills me is just like EVERYTHING in this he even turns THAT on me. I actually sort of confronted him on that on Tuesday when he was here (I know, not very DB of me but I was pissed over the whole ticket thing). And he got all defensive and said....

"I'm not TRYING to be the FUN Dad, it's just I don't have toys right now where I'm staying and I know they get bored. I don't have any other CHOICES right now" (said in a sulking, accusatory way.

To which I want to SCREAM and say... "Um YEAH, you do have a choice, it's called GET YOUR ASS HOME, and do the work!"

Whew, thank goodness for this MB. I'm really needing to vent lately, and trying SO hard to not do it with him for the "greater good".

Chris

[pisces9]

ha ha! you sound a little more humorous today! i know this is hard- but belive me he is not scoring extra points in the long run...now what can you do to feel better?

[7 Year Itch]

Now isn't THAT the million dollar question. What can I do to feel better? Hmmmmm, let me think on that.

I do have an awesome scripture to share though. I get the scripture of the day emailed to me from KLove (Christian radio station) each day. And this mornings was AMAZING! It really spoke to me. I think I'm going to print it out and hang it in a few places around the house


Here it is:

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

~ Romans 12:2, NLT


I wish H was a Christian. He's confused regarding religion. This seems like the PERFECT scripture for the WAS's.

Chris

[pisces9]

this is a great scripture- and great for all of us...when you have something like this in your heart- it will overflow to all- even those who didn't read it or believe it...that is our job....:)

[ms ladybug]

I know people consider it "watered-down", but I often like to look up my favorite verses in the Message Bible version.
Romans 12:1-2
1-2 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

[7 Year Itch]

Love it Ladybug, thanks for posting that!

OK, so I don't know if these are really "signs" or just me being pathetic and grasping, but today has been so odd.

First off ,I check my email and have that scripture email. To me it says a TON!!

Then I just took D2 to the Children's Hospital for her ultrasound, and on the way there I see a car decal in front of me forever that says. "Got Hope?" (like the God Milk Logo). Then I get home, and I check on one of the regular job sites I have been going to looking for work. Well, I find a telecommuting job that looks interesting. So I click on it to get more info. It's from the town that H was born in. And um the town is a TINY town in upstate NY. There isn't even any industry there, so this is SO random that this telecommuting job would be there, and it was the first job I clicked on today.

Good signs, or am I just grasping?

H coming to visit the girls tonight. I mowed the front yard and weedwacked about 2 of our 4 acres yesterday and today. Sort of one of those.. "see, I can do this without you" things. Not that I want to, but just trying to show him, I can go on (even though in my heart I still feel daily like curling up in the fetal position and crying). Hoping I can do good DB work and make myself scarce again.

Chris

[pisces9]

Hi Chris- YES those are signs- just like baby steps , we are allowed to see the positive in everything! That is a wonderful attitude to have- better than the alternative!

Make yourself scarce but sort of available and calm and see what happens...you know what to do...

You are doing great!

[7 Year Itch]

Well, so much for all my signs today. God, he is so cruel. The man I married could never be this cruel. Who is this man? He just informed me as our kids were playing with the neighbors that he is probably going to file tomorrow. Another knife.

Why can he not give me ONE day without that knife being dug in further and further. I cannot believe how long so many of you have been at this, and he is just boom. Bomb to filing, 3 months. Dammit, and I was being all happy and doing great DBing too.

You know I should know if we have something big and important to plan on [censored] from him. That's been his thing this whole time. Drops the bomb the day before we have to take a baptism class together for our girls baptism the following week. Then he tells the girls ON Father's Day that he is moving out. Nice. Then today, he KNEW it was a stressful day for me taking D2 to get her neck ultrasound done. Then "I'm filing tomorrow".

Honestly, I'm starting to accept the man I married just doesn't exist anymore. And honestly, I'm not sure this man is worthy of me and a lifetime of love from me. I hate thinking that, but he seriously is NOT the person I've known for 12 years. I think I"m done.

Chris

[pisces9]

Chris- so sorry it is hard right now- is there anything that occurred that made him want to file? again- this is NOT over until you say its over...it could be just another level of detachment-
when DB'ing was going well what were you doing differently? hang in there