I am feeling much much better. All of this solitude has really helped me bring some consciousness to some mean things I do to myself inside my own head... that I believe will shift.
I realized that I think my computer became a substitute for my R, very slowly and unconsciously. I am trying to shift my habits and reclaim some non computer time. So... I did over 24 hours with absolutely no computer, and I feel REALLY GOOD. I might be experimenting with this more, so it's not because I don't love each one of you, it's b/c I am trying to have a healthier relationship with my lil computer!! It's gotten a little... compulsive.
Basically realizing there are a lot of negative energies I have been blaming on others or my environment, when a lot of it has to do with how I treat MYSELF and the reality I am creating. I have more choice than I think... but I have to step back and observe what I am doing in my own head... and then make changes in my routine.
I feel like some others on the BB are also pulling back into their feelings, I wonder if this is part of the process, part of some cycle of... TRANSFORMATION.
I think I have found my enthusiasm for practicing again... I am really excited for the new things I'm going to be working on and the new things I"m going to be DOING!
OH!!! I bought my plane tickets for Cello Boot Camp, NYC and visiting my family. I will be able to be in NYC for 2-4 days, but can just go straight to visit my family if B won't be there.
AND I sent the text yesterday afternoon. No word... that's OK... I think he's in his cave. I'm thinking I'll wait a week, maybe two, and then try another little light contact. Probably by the 23rd-ish I'd want to let him know, somehow or other, that I'd be in NYC, so he'd have a couple weeks headsup to wrap his mind around it, out of courtesy.
