MLC BS

[Patrick325]

I talked to my W today and of course she was trying to manipulate the custody again. She is flying back to Wis in two weeks instead of three. She wants to take the kids to Busch gardens this week on my day because the rain chance is lowest. I argued with her and told her to stop making plans on my days...and I told her she couldn't use the season passes that I bought for the kids....but I started feeling guilty, so I texted that she could and I was sorry fro being selfish...I figure I am working all that day anyhow. Plus I know she isn't going with OM because he stayed in Wis....That was one of the reasons I didn't want them to use those passes...I am not going to pay to have my kids spend the day with that a$$hole....I think I did a good thing...who knows, I feel a little better..but I let her know I would allow it for "this" time...so if OM is going she wont expect to use them....

[Hardlesson]

Patrick,

I just read your entire thread this evening and must commend you for your strength, patience and fortitude. Your W does not deserve you. Your kids are lucky to have you.

Keep working on yourself. I don't know how many times I read the book of Proverbs. I think I just liked God's divine words speaking toward my now-ex's actions as foolish.

Subsquently, I prayed for Wisdom...and later Wisdom and Strength...and later for Wisdom, Stregth, Perserverence...and later passion (for life)....

Regardless of whether your marriage is saved or not, this episode will forever change your life.

But that does not mean it has to be a negative.

For me, I vowed to live THE better life.

Sometimes I lose sight of that vow. Not today.

[mkultra]

Whew. First let me say that I am sorry for what you are going through and that you are not alone. You have done really well in the DB category. In fact you have been inspirational and you updates are well written.

May I kvetch about your W a little? I feel that she is completely wrong in exposing her affair to her children. In what universe is it acceptable for any mother to even introduce a new man who is not stable? Any OM or OP is a direct attack to the welfare and happiness of the children. In fact, any new relationship must develop over time before even being introduced to children because they may form attachments and then voila there is a break up and the kids are traumatized all over again. Plus, I saw this on Oprah with the Rabbi, children of divorce equate those OP as the reason why the marriage ended and they feel saddened , like they are betraying the abandoned spouse when they meet the OP. How dare she do something that selfish. Classic MLC, selfish. Is this because she married and had kids at a younger age? is that part of your religion also? I am sorry but I may be from a different culture and I am not of your religion. But I told my H under no circumstance would our children ever be allowed to meet his OW as they were having an affair. I have no control over what he does, but my D's TH said I have direct control over who is my D's presence and that it would be unacceptable for her to be exposed to my H's affair. Who are these peopel that think that it is OK to hang out with Mommy's new boyfriend like that!!! Sorry. again. That makes me mad! You are pretty cool so far. Thank goodness my in laws also said they would never agree to meet with any one who would have an affair with their son. Unacceptable. But I guess that it is too late especially considering this OM was already a neighbor. That happens also. How weird but not uncommon since people have affairs within their circles. Sigh. She may stay in denial or come to her senses. Either way you need to come out smelling like a rose. Maybe going dark would be a good thing. If she did have to kids more often it may put pressure on the affair, maybe not. That is a gamble. My mom said that affairs end when reality sets in and the OP realize they do not want someone else's kids!!

[Patrick325]

I agree that she should not be bringing my kids into this new relationship so quickly..but unfortunately our laws do not allow for me to keep them from her. I would love to force her to make a choice...him or her kids...so she could realize how selfish she is being. As far as my W and the OM having an affair, she maintains she didn't start dating him until after I was gone. I do believe there was nothing physical going on but I believe it was a EA. But she denies that also. It will be tough on her and the kids if he wants to split...especially since she won't have anywhere to go...but who knows, this could go on indefinitely. They could decide to get married when our D is final...who knows? I know it's hard for all of us here that value committment, family, and the life we have built throughout the years. It's crushing to watch as someone tears it all down in a matter of months.

[mkultra]

I have read some articles on how to NOT prolong the WAS's affairs. I did all those things and it worked for me! My H's affair ended a natural death in about 4-5 months. He also denied any cheating but phone records and coworkers prove otherwise so finally he admitted it. It is also shocking to get true confirmation. Like adding salt to the wound so it may be best to just assume there was always an affair. It is fairly common. Honestly, when I was a kid I always thought going outside the covenant of marriage was on the same level as murder or prostitution. just something desperate low lifes commit, but we see it has become normalized even though it seems so devastating to the family!!
http://www.smartmarriages.com/infidelity.resources.html

[Patrick325]

thanks for the link--I hope this is over soon...we have D mediation next month....

[mkultra]

I avoided mediation for a year. Have you been avoiding all the D talk?

[Patrick325]

I try to but she keeps pushing. She filed in Jan and My attorney has pushed it to Aug 21---but I am sooo tired of all this, it's hard to keep dragging it out. I have been having a lot of trouble just talking to my W lately. I actually try to get off the phone with her asap because all she talks about is the business of our split...whether it be the sale of our home..or our D, or taxes, or money...it just depresses me and it makes me dislike her even more...I am so afraid I am falling out of love with her. The person she has become is so into herself I don't want to deal with her, or I end up arguing with her....It makes me wonder if we are beyond the point of no return....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

It makes me wonder if we are beyond the point of no return....

Patrick,

No, you're not. Before you think I'm blowing sunshine and rainbows up your lower orifice, go find a poster here by the name of minkerman, check out all his posts. You want to talk about lost causes...

He is currently posting in Piecing.

I could post the links, but I think that if you need or want something you should work toward it. Better for you.

[Patrick325]

That was awesome to see Jack. I'm so happy when I see someone who has overcome MLC. His sitch is a lot diff than mine but he and his W are winners. I just look at mine and I think it's so much worse than everyone else's. This OM makes it seem impossible to overcome. I wish the rot would set in faster but I just have to wait it out I guess. I am so afraid that the D will go through...after that I think I will just have to give up...who know's, maybe I'll be as lucky as Minker....I just hear that clock ticking every day...soon we'll lose or house. It's depressing.