I liked your porn name on the newcomers site...i have a couple i would use...my favorite is eager beaver!!! they say to make a true porn name you use the name of your first pet and the street where your childhood home was on...in which case mine would be...sunshine main!!! oh that thread is soooo funny!!
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
"nothing has been split...papers are filed, i asked for everything i paid for with my inheritance"
So at some point you will have to figure out who gets what. That's good. I don't recommend any drastic changes to anything you two own. So there is another vote for "fixing" the pool.
"how much time to let him decompress....i feel he may need some decompression time...not much 2 week rule is not in effect here...but some."
If you were living together.. maybe a day or so. Really it is ok to just kinda sit and think right now.. I don't know that stopping the communication was a good or bad thing. I think now.. if we get the pool stuff straight.. we can get back on track.
"if he said it once, he said it fifty times...he and i will never be...but he didn't come out and say, stop texting, stop calling...leave me the hell alone....what do you think?"
I think it is just a bit of lashing out.
I have a question. Did you ever sneak out of the house when you were a kid?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I snuck out more than you can imagine...my dad built me a club house, i would even say (when I was a teenager) that I was staying all night in the clubhouse/camping out...and then have my high school boy friend come pick me up...then we would go do whatever all night long...drink, ride 4wheelers...and yes, what teenagers do, that you are not supposed to do
he (H) gave me one hell of a lashing....
the pool...oh FG...the damn pool...yuck...yes it is in his interest to fix the pool, the deck(more of my inheritance) is custom built around the pool...so if the pool isn't there...the deck will look kind of ridiculous...but if he has to for any reason sell the house to pay me off(I don't like talking negative...because, this is going to work out!!) the deck and pool look nice together...now again, i have to think all of this and not say it to him!! LESSON LEARNED!!
i want to solve the pool problem, in a way he will be ok with, and he thinks it's not because of any other reason just because....another reason i want him to have a few days "off" from me!! not that he will forget that drama filled conversation!!
i miss being a kid and sneaking out....i even got busted one time saying i was staying all night at my friend jamie's house...well her and i didn't stay at her house...we went camping with the boys...oh and we so got busted!! my dad drove by jamie's house on his way to work, my car wasn't at her house...not good...i got grounded for a week or two...when i was young...that was a tragedy...
i miss simplicity
no one said this life would be easy...they just said it would be worth it...
thanks FG!
.....that damn pool....5 years ago, i never would have thought a pool, would be so much work.....literally.....it was physical work.....now it's becoming mental work!! LOL
did you sneak out? why the question
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
take tomorrow off...for a week of craziness...and dealing with big bosses coming into the station...take the day off...i know where you can get a doctor's excuse...if they would believe you were in IL when you got sick!!! LOL!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
You remember the first time you snuck out. Every muscle in your body.. your breath.. all seemed to make too much noise. You knew every creaky board in that house. Then when you finally got out the first time or two.. all you could think about was getting caught. Your friends could see it.. they were likely feeling the same way.. All I remember was the first couple of times sucked.. but things got better.
Pretty soon you realized.. that if you just walked normally.. nobody woke up. You started staying out later and later.. pushing the limits.
The question I have.. is what changed? The consequences didn't. The walk down the hall didn't. You made a decision.. that what you were doing was worth it.
You still look back fondly.. on the "wrong" decision.
"he (H) gave me one hell of a lashing...."
Now I saw this.. and had a lot of thoughts about it. I need you to clarify.. a little bit.
"yes it is in his interest to fix the pool, the deck(more of my inheritance) is custom built around the pool...so if the pool isn't there...the deck will look kind of ridiculous...but if he has to for any reason sell the house to pay me off(I don't like talking negative...because, this is going to work out!!) the deck and pool look nice together...now again, i have to think all of this and not say it to him!! LESSON LEARNED!!"
So like I said... you know what to do.. you just don't know HOW to do it. That fear.. has you clamped up. The blood is not getting to where it should. I have seen you dying since you two were waving at each other in the truck.
"i miss simplicity"
I am simplicity.. almost too a fault.
Look.. I am a outsider looking in. I don't want you to come back and say.. Forrest did it.. does not matter if it was good or bad. All I want you to see is the stuff you may be missing. I want you to use what I say.. your way.
People get stuck. Plain and simple. The more crap you pile on top of it.. the more stuck they are. Now.. I don't like to be stuck.. I will focus on why I am stuck.. fix it.. and move on. That works for some people.. It can backfire.
To me .. being honest here... You are stuck in the fear you created. There was a reason for you to WA.. Yea.. I don't remember.. but you wanted a change. Here it is. Now.. to me.. I would either want to stir it up enough to get closure.. or start over. So.. my pointed position to you is.. We are going to get some closure and move on with life.. or we are going to change things for the better.
All you have to do is lead the way.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
ok...we are not closing anything gumpy mcgumperson!!
fear...damn that fear....I am stuck, have been stuck because no matter what i fear the results. i push him, he falls back....i fall back...he tells friends i ignore him...no matter what i do, i feel it is the wrong move
the lashing...he has said those things to me before...just hadn't heard them in a while, so they were hurtful to me. i hadn't heard him say he actually wanted a D in a long time, last fall...then he called 3 days later and changed his mind. i told him he had an atty on retainer...if he wanted the D that bad, talk to his atty; he said i would bury him in paper work and drag it out because "I wanted what I couldn't have...him"...I honestly don't get why he hasn't talked with his atty, if he wants the D oh so badly...yes, first and foremost I want my M to work, but if it came to that point, I would cross that bridge when it came...but probably wouldn't be a narcissistic brat about it....will battle that later...for now...the this battle is the pool....
i will not put fear in the way of fixing this...R/M...or the pool for that matter...if i meet resistance, we will cross that bridge upon arrival! so now, my thoughts...let him decompress/let go of some of the anger from our phone conversation...then fix the damn pool
solution for the pool...will suggest a pool company look at it and make some suggestions for what we could do to fix it...and i could help with the cost...downside, only reason i would want to fix it, is because he knows now our "secret"....need to put a spin on it, that will make it benefit him...the deck, i know it's a pain now, but someday you may want it, have pool company fix it and close it...then it's taken care of until you want it...i have to stop obsessing and just throw it out there...bottom line pool needs fixed, it is legally my pool, so i need to take care of it
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
