WAW is full steam ahead

[smartcookie]

<<SC, to summarize, I did some snooping on Tuesday and found three books that W had hidden(Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks, Awakening Virgin, and Is it Coffee or Just a Date - The gay girls guide to dating). Now, ever since the bomb drop, W has been hanging out all the time with her friend who happened to start having R issues with her partner shortly after my bomb (unrelated I hope). They are either over at their place, our place or at the gay bar in town.

Okay, so you've got some pretty good reasons to believe that W is at least bi-curious, if not heading towards lesbian. Now, where do you stand on that ? (rhetorical question, I don't believe you need to answer here). If she's bi, is that a deal-breaker. It is some men's biggest fantasy. I don't care one way or the other. I'm just here to provide another perspective.

sidenote; I have some very different books hidden in my room too. I'd hate for H to jump to any conclusions. One of them did catch my eye at the library because one of my friends is involved in an alternative lifestyle. But, I'm not hanging with her & her friends, nor going to bars that promote the lifestyle. Although, if she asked me to go once, or twice, I may just out of curiosity.

<<I do not know if the books are being read by her for her, or just to gain an understanding of her new friend???? But it does answer why she has repeatedly stated that she can't love me the way I should be loved. I have not confronted her with what I found and don't want to. I don't know if she will bring it up either. I do know that she said the other night that she has other issues (outside of the issues that led to the bomb) that she and only she can work through.

So can you be patient & wait for her to work things through ? Or do you want out, while she works on herself ? Why don't you want to ask her ? Maybe she's just bi-curious, & scared to death to mention it to you for fear you'll disapprove.

<<As for it being a dealbreaker...I don't honestly know. It is just adding to all of the pre-existing issues, emotions and confusion and add the fact that she wants out as fast as possible, I am at whit's end!!!!

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes, & I'd be having a massive panic attack, to say the least. I feel for ya. I'm trying to help here. If it's not helping, dump my advice. okay ?

<<As for abuse as a kid, I am not really sure. I know her dad was and is an alcoholic and somewhat verbally/physically abusive with her mom but have never heard of any sexual abuse from her, of course that could have been repressed and now is unleashed. Her dad came from a large family and all but a few are pretty much dysfunctional.

When you take alcohol, add verbal/physical abuse, you can just about bet the farm that there was sexual also.

<<To the point of "mixing it up"...she did bring something like that up when were dating and it was something that was never followed through on :-( and never brought up again.

So, looking back, this may have been a warning of things to come ? or a red flag ? & by the frown I'm guessing you wouldn't mind mixing it up. Again, I'm not judging or promoting, just talking. ( I'm just more open minded than the average cookie).

<<Ugh! She sent an email to me wanting me to drop her cell line from our joint account. Sat on it for 30 minutes before responding. I feel like I am going to get hen-pecked over the next 90 days like this.

Hang in there.