I wish I could find strength this morning. My h was a million miles away in his mind. I did stay quiet and not try to draw him out. I just didn't have the heart for it this morning.
I go camping tomorrow through Sunday, all by myself. I will be alone in my own little head. I can't help but think this will be good for me, although I probably won't have any internet access all weekend to talk with anybody here.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
You can do anything and everything you set you heart to.
I have an image of you moving forward, but it's so difficult. What's wrong? You've got feet, you've got legs.. Whatsa matta?
Yikes.. you're walking on your knees, getting all scraped up. Stand up, lady. Take a bow. You've started on an incredible journey of growth, healing and self knowledge. You just have to start by walking a rocky path.
Today I saw my lawyer. I was armed with my list of questions, partially filled out forms. She spoke of how we have to start moving, getting some sort of settlement set up. I nodded. She was willing to work with the tax lawyer/financial advisor to set up something they thought would work. She said she found spouse's lawyer to be practical and good at managing spouse but that spouse was getting antsy about getting the divorce over and done with.
I listened, went to talk and the tears started flowing. Why was it that an attorney's conference room was a safe place to cry, or someplace I couldn't help but cry. She'd told spouse's lawyer that I was having a difficult time with the emotions, to give me some time. Spouse is frazzled and she felt he was doing some passive aggressive moves by stopping the direct deposit. All that does is cause a motion to be filed.
I tried reading from a list of prepared questions. My voice choked, tears came.. and I knew I had that ugly crying face going. They just came, no sobbing, just tears.
I told her all I could remember.. about when I met the girlfriend a year ago, other details.
By the time we were done, I did feel better. I committed to finishing the financial affidavit and moving forward. It's time to work on the settlement, to focus on my present future rather than hopeful past.
I wish I could be there for you... a shoulder to cry on... someone to give you a big bear hug... someone to help you stay motivated to get this stupid financial crap finished. I'm soooooo sorry.
Originally Posted By: Gypsy
It's time to work on the settlement, to focus on my present future rather than hopeful past.
I'm proud of you, friend.
Lots and lots of love, R
P.S. I don't much care for your stupid jerknosedickwad spouse!
Last edited by girlfromipanema; 07/10/0811:16 PM.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Last year I played in a nine hole golf league. Most of the members were women old enough to be my mother. I found them to be very charming and enjoyed playing golf with them on a regular basis. I let my ladies know what's been going on when the season started but have yet to play with them. In fact I've been avoiding the course (we belong there) after playing a round and having thoughts of them playing golf together while we were married.
One of the women called me tonight and was very friendly and fun. She gave me lots of examples on how to move forward, saying to just toss out any love I have cuz a guy who does what spouse did isn't worth knowing. Her final advice.. "Kathleen, find a guy with kids, three.. four, maybe even five. He'll understand what it means to care for them. Make sure he has a big house. Remember, you know what to look for now."
It's odd.. when push comes to shove.. I can jump over it all to go where I need to.
