Help me Act AS IF, Part 7: The Separation

[newnamenewlife]

Today I tried to remove my wedding ring while I was in the shower. I could not get it off! My finger has fattened, I guess. I will have to try again.

It's all so hard and confusing. Spoke with H today about plans for him to pick up the girls later. We chatted about the girls and cute things they've said/done recently. Of course, he and I are the only two people who find them as interesting and charming as we do. This weekend, we are both driving D11 up to sleepaway camp--because we both want to see the camp, her bunk, etc.

I'm so torn because on the one hand I am still so bitterly angry and hurt by what he did and how he did it, and I don't want to reward him by being nice and friendly. Some of the hurtful and cruel things he said keep coming back to me. But then there are times when I'm fine and enjoy chatting with him as a friend. When that happens, though, I feel the chemistry/banter/flirtiness we've always had and then it kills to realize that none of it translates into "romantic feelings" for him--just for me.

I don't know who to be with him right now, how to act that makes me feel OK and not like a fool.

Last night, my good friend, who I've known since junior high school, told me she found out her H has been having a 3-year affair. UGH. What is wrong with everyone? Why do humans even attempt monogamy? It so clearly doesn't suit us.