How Much BS do I believe?!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

i feel like all i can do is everyting i have been doing. listen, validate, stay quiet calm and collected and SHOW him i am there for him and love him...

I wish more people would do what you are doing.
Fish, that is all you can do...most people don't do that in their marriage, and well, hello Divorce Busting...

: ) When you get to piecing, lets see how long it takes you to say you're a piecer...its a scary step.

[pisces9]

i hear ya - thanks for the boost there- it feels good
i can see why piecing is scary...im not ready yet!

[pisces9]

Jack-Three- Beans- ive been invited to France with my Brother next week! its a party scene and im not sure i should go- i really want to see France as ive never been - but its like girls gone wild and im not even kidding... would it be bad for me to go? what if i freak out while im there? any ideas? thanks!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

...

Pisces,

I'm not a Magic 8 Ball. You are capable of making your own choices.

Would you have fun in France? Have you always wanted to go?
Are you worried about not being able to restrain yourself?
Why would it be bad for you?
What if you freak out at home?

Dettaching doesn't mean waiting in the dark, being cold and alone.
GALing doesn't mean throwing your morales to the winds.

Ideas.

Trust in yourself.

Remove temptations you do not wish to be subjected to.
If you love cookies, but do not want to eat them because you're on a diet, you don't buy them to put in the pantry.

Questions for you.
Do you get your validation through others?
Are you the type of person who requires direction from others?

Neither of those questions were meant to be mean.

[pisces9]

HI jack
well , yes- i do always seek multiple opinions for certain things and it can get me in trouble and make me more confused. I am not worried i would throw my morals to the wind..ive been around enough of that and retrained myself just fine..i guess just seeing it and trying to stay calm and centered is my fear. also- i do get some validation through others when i ask for it...i guess i feel like i need it sometimes but only from people i trust and love.
i guess you are right- i could freak out at home too- nothing really different- i guess i feel like im just available to my H- "just in case"...thats not really a good reason to stay here..

yes- i have always wanted to go and i would have a blast! i could tour around on my own and just relax!

thanks jack- i rot of see where you are going with this...does this mean i should STOP getting validation from people or opinions..i have greatly reduced this need over the past year...but it seems like it is just a part of me...

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You were, it seemed, asking me if you should go to France.

You do not even know me. I am someone with calm words, but that is about it.

Getting validation is huge early on in here, but getting it about a trip somewhere...that generated my questions, it didn't seem like a suddenly new thing for you.

[pisces9]

well here is another reason that i didnt mention- i guess i more concerned with the affect it may have on my R..so it was more an R issues...

another reason is our anniversary is july 21st...my DB coach suggested a card and maybe a small gift...and ask if he wants to do lunch or something-- but now i wont be here for it...

and i do agree about the fact i dont know you- but your calm words are tied into saving my M so I am trying to make the "right" decision..

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Are you talking with him?

If so, bring it up. See how he reacts. If he seems upset, ask him why. If he mentions the anniversary then, that is good and all, but beaware MLC so he might skip on the anniversary regardless.

You could always buy him a gift from Paris.

[Maya44]

Jack, are you still on? What time is in in Alaska?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You mean 15 minutes ago?

If it is noon on the East Coast
It is 11 am Central
It is 10 am Mountain
It is 9 am Pacific
It is 8 am in Alaska