Helping OW??

[fooled again]

Bill,

I read your post too quickly, then went back and reread it (I do that alot).

Look, one of the DB principles is to find what works. You laid down an ultimatum, took a bit of a tough stand, and I was all for that. I think it's a perfectly valid approach. But did it get the results you were looking for? It doesn't seem so. So it's back to the drawing board.

It may be a bit premature to say it didn't work. My ultimatum was about him deciding what he wanted, then if he decided to come home, what I expected from him. The consequences I laid out would be as a result of choosing OW. He told me he had decided but he really was just reacting to the fear of losing me. I see that now since he wasn't ready to do the work of rebuilding trust. He still hasn't decided and I see that forcing him to decide won't work.

I would leave him be, let him initiate contact. Use this time to get yourself together. It's time to begin planning for life without him, as painful as that might be. Try to find the positives to being able to make your own decisions and plans, and then tackle them, embracing the new possibilities.

I suppose I simply will have to let him go to make his choice.

If you love something, set it free... Painful? I guess we only know how painful that really is.

FA