I'm sure Sex and the City did get you. It's too bad so few men will see that movie. The message is good, but it is only reaching women.
I don't know what to think about your H, but I am sure that if he says he wants to try to work on the marriage again, that you will need to insist on either Retrouvaille or counseling. He has shown that he only thinks about pleasing himself, and in a family you have to be consider everyone's wellbeing. He needs someone to bring this to his attention, and he doesn't listen to you.
I wanted to watch it, but I decided not to go see it with all my married girlfriends, sounds like it was a wise choice, Ill wait for the Pay-per-view if its going to mess with me.
Im sorry about your H, I hope that things get easier. Want me to spit in his coffee?
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
You know your H - you have always shown that. I think you know that you are probably in for a stormy ride with his friend going through a D at this time. I hate that this is happeneing to you.
Are you willing to wait until this particular part of his cycle has passed?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
So your husband needs space? Space to do what? I'll you what: the same stuff he's been doing all along -- going back and forth between two women.
Your "handle" here is Yoyowife. When I think of a yoyo I think of back and forth, up and down, hot and cold -- you know an un-ending cycle.
My timeline may be off but here's what I remember about your situation:
Your husband leaves home while he's having an affair with OW.
He remains in contact with you and spends the night, has intmacy etc.
Then he withdraws.
You go dark and don't talk to him for months.
He re-intiates contact and you renew intimacy with him.
You fight about OW still being in picture and your contact with OW's husband.
He withdraws.
You go dark.
He re-initiates contact and you renew intimacy.
You fight about his recent night with OW, and he mentions you've been in contact with OW's husband.
He needs space and withdraws.
Let me guess: you are going to go dark. Go dark and wait for what? For him to start dating you again after he temporarily gets bored with OW?
This cycle seems to be repeating itself.
Here are some things I see:
1. He's never really ended it with OW. 2. This cycle won't end until he fires her and breaks off all contact. 3. You haven't been chasing him, which is good. I like you going dark. 4. You have been, however, always available for him. You have accepted an intimate relationship with him while he continues his friendship/work relationship/affair with OW. He doesn't, therefore, fear losing you. He knows you'll always take him back. 5. Your husband also knows OW will always take him back. The fact that he's intimate with you doesn't seem to deter her from remaining sexaully and emotionally available to him. 6. Your husband has two women that are available to him. He can go back and forth as he pleases, no adverse consequences to him.
Ok... so you are going dark.
Wait and see.
Sooner or later he'll drag his sorry ass back and make some overtures towards you with strings attached: Do you really love me Yoyo? Can you get along with my mother Yoyo? Are you sure you haven't been with any other men Yoyo? Will you agree to stop talking to OW's husband Yoyo?
He always comes back and asks you to jump through hoops.
I think you have some options:
1. Date him again. Give him re-assurances of your love without insisting he break it off with OW and fire her. Get back on the merry-go-around for another trip to hell. 2. Tell him you are interested in him but if he wants a relationship with you, he MUST fire the OW and never speak to, write, email, or text message her again. And then you'll be willing to work on it. He must be willing to provide proof that he hasn't talked to been with her her for some time before you let him move back in.
Trick is he wants to be able to try a relationship with you again WITHOUT having to give up OW in case it doesn't work out with you.
He's not willing to burn his bridges to OW.
I think you need to ask him to burn those bridges if he wants to be with you.
My love and admiration go out to you, Yoyo. You will prevail.
I agree whole-heartedly with Theo's assessment. I particularly think the yo-yo analogy is quite apt. Being an old yo-yo aficionado, I can add one thing about the back-and-forth behavior of a yo-yo: it only lasts as long as one supplies energy to the situation. Once the energy is removed, gravity takes completely over and eventually the see-saw effect ends.
Bottom line: Yoyo, don't be party to giving your H's situation any more energy.
Theo, Unfortunately, your summation of my situation is correct. My H has taken advantage of me over and over again and I have allowed it. You are correct in assuming that is why I took the name yoyowife. You have been a rock for me many times.
I am going dark right now to figure out my next steps. I know I must do something. Right now I'm teetering between sending a "tough love letter" first and give him a small window to reply or just going ahead and filing without the letter. Those are my only two options and I'm trying to decide which way to go.
Any opinion would be appreciated.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
