No, the timing just makes it seem that way. I think I'd like her to read all this, but I don't think she feels ready. She knows I post here and my username, so if she wants to read it, it's here.
Bagheera, I like to cuddle, but she doesn't do that all night. We did get to snuggle for a long time, but eventually she got up, put on the comfortable PJ's and came back to go to sleep. I really don't mind this; I just put an arm around her and go to sleep, too.
Later on, the baby woke up, and I needed the restroom, so I got up and took care of him. And stopped at the computer to admit I was wrong.
Now, last night was pretty special, and I did NOT do the analysis this time. I just went with it. It was wonderful. I was pretty forceful, and she loved it. I will say this for being forceful: she knows I love it when she gives me oral, and I love giving it to her. But we've been way out of balance in that way for years; I would do it for her any time she would let me, including at times when intercourse wasn't going to happen. She would give me oral maybe once a year, and during our worst dry spell, not that often. Looking back, I realize I only got it when I asked for it, and I almost never asked for it. I figured that she knew I wanted it, so if she didn't do it, it must be because it disgusted her or she resented it. Frankly, even when she did it, it wasn't always very good.
Well, last week when we had our little breakthrough, I didn't ask. I told her to do it. She was . . . not in a position to resist. It scared me to death; I was sure she was going to burst into tears and decide she hated me at any moment. But the thing is, she not only complied, she really worked at it. It was obvious that she was enjoying herself. I know I was certainly enjoying herself! She was wild, and she made me feel wild. There was nothing grudging or sad about it. So I did the same thing last night, although this time I just plain told her to do it, nothing so elaborate. Same results. So I guess I'm starting to believe that she really does want to follow my lead, at least in the bedroom. And actually, there was a little glimmer of her own personality coming out near the end, so I didn't feel like I dominated absolutely everything. I'd had my O and she hadn't had hers yet, and I started to do something I knew she would like. She stopped me and told me what she wanted me to do. Man, was that great. She didn't give me the exact details, but that was OK--I filled 'em in and made it work, and all she had to do was relax and enjoy it. It was fantastic. At the end, I cleared off the bed and we lay together in a T with her head on my chest, talking.
Today I made a joke about a spanking tonight, and she giggled, but she told me "I might need a couple of nights off."
I told her I'd talk to her about it again on Monday. I hope that's going to be OK; she seemed satisfied. It doesn't mean I expect sex on Monday, just that I won't be bringing the subject up before then.
We've got to get up at about 2:00 in the morning to get on the road tomorrow anyway, and then we're staying with one of her old friends on Friday night, so that's two busy days when there won't be opportunities anyway.
