Yes, his parting words were delightful weren't they? I think, in a way, I AM looking for better words.....make it end ok......to think it didn't mean anything means I have wasted so much of my life.
There's a line from a Carly Simon song "clouds in my coffee" that I always think of. Yes, I wasted 20 years of my life fantasizing about another man. It was just clouds in my coffee. But what's important is not that I did that. What's important is that I woke up (and smelled the coffee?) and discovered that I had love if I wanted it, with the man I married. I just had to learn how to not chafe at the proximity of another person. And there was a lot to learning that. But the next 20 years should be good. If we even still have that much.
When I was in college my parents friends used to tell me, "These are the best years of your life!" And one time I broke down crying because I was so depressed at the time. If those were the best years, what was the rest of my life to be like?
Then I had kids and got older, and when I saw college kids I said, "These are the best years of your life. I miss being in college." And I saw that despite how I felt at the time, I was happy in college. At least when I looked back at it.
And now that my kids are grown and don't need me except for the occasional infusion of money to their bank accounts, I look back at raising them and realize that despite my 20 years of longing for OM, those were very happy times.
Our minds play tricks on us. Give it time and distance. It is not so bad.
I am NOT going to dwell on the Why's and the what if's but I did want to first thank you for the 'intro" to Retro and say this. WHen I read :
" But I chose my husband because OM (Was)did not want to get married, and he didn't want children. Things were fine for several years, but then I started missing OM. And I found out he had married someone else. I was heartbroken because I thought he would never marry. That if things didn't work out in my marriage, I could get back together with him. Anyway, the mind took over. I became angry with my husband, convinced he had stolen me away from my true love. And I kept in touch with OM periodically. Even saw him a couple of times. This went on for years!"
I get the feeling my wife could have wrote that.( WIth my red edit).
Everything is quiet here. Wife has buried herself in her school work. Oh ya I put my wedding ring back on. I figured took it off not because I wanted to. I took it off to prove a point. So from this moment on I am doing what I want to do..
Later H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I hope your wife will get over her OM as I did. Soon, you will have your chance to talk about everything. Don't hold back, get your feelings out. But do write according to the rules. It will be more successful if you follow the rules.
Didi,
You ask a difficult question. I think any two people can feel love if they choose to. And I think even the most "meant to be" people can not feel love if they choose not to. I have become convinced that love is a choice. And you make that choice every day. You choose to love with your actions, and you choose to love in your mind.
Ok. I love H for so many reasons. I've always worried that maybe they weren't the right ones. More of a respect, than a love. I can choose to love H. I want to love H. Can I love him more than a friend? I'm not sure I can say "yes" to that. I want to, though, so if love is a choice I can choose to. Maybe this is what my friend said when she said she could "make it work with her ex, but she didn't want to just "make it work", she wanted to be happy every day.
I remember my last counselor saying that arranged marriages have the same lasting statistics as regular marriages. Hmmmmm.....
I suggest you pick up the book "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint Exupery. It is a delightful childrens' story that explores the nature of love. For a childrens' story it has a lot of depth. I think it might give you something to think about.
I know that book. I was a teacher for 8 years. But, I haven't read it for a long time and forgotten what it is all about. I will get it out and read it. I'm sure I have it with all the other trade books somewhere. Thanks for being here for me, Sara. You are always here for me when I really need you.
