Helping OW??

[fooled again]

Tipper,

Thanks for your post. Funny thing about your "dating" advice. My non-DB coach asked me how she thought H would react to my telling him that I was thinking of dating. I said I wasn't sure. I know this could backfire as it is putting pressure on him - he has already told me he is afraid of losing me to someone else. But he has said the same thing to OW.

I have to admit that I've been having a lot of trouble keeping my feet on the ground for the past two days. H has not contacted me since his short call on Tues. I am sure he has been w/ OW and surely she is doing everything she can to keep him from coming back to me. I can only imagine what she must be saying to him. The silence is deadly. So going away this weekend is probably the best thing I can do, but I also know it will be lonely and frustrating. I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

H is obviously is not able to choose b/w me and OW, or maybe it's that he is not able to choose b/w the two lives he has created for himself. At this point I am trying to figure out what life w/ me has to offer compared to life w/ OW.

Life w/ me is about his child, his home, his past, his family (parents & siblings), the person he was when he was a better man, younger, more successful. But there are also many painful memories in his past, the death of his sister and the death of his nephew, as well as many other things that have hurt him and he hasn't really dealt with.

Life w/ OW is about escaping, pretending he is someone else, access to prestige, adoration, being the hero. Also, she has money so she can pay off his debts (she may not, I don't know). But there are things about H that OW criticizes (habits) and there is also the fact that she is insistent upon H bringing her into D's life (which H is not prepared to do, at least not now).

I know that I have to live my life as though he is never coming back, even though I honestly believe he will come back. I just don't know how to rectify the two - they don't fit together. I am a planner, looking to the future, but for me the future is a complete blank. And the present feels like a nightmare that won't end.

I think the hardest thing for me is NC. I feel anxious and sick to my stomach, and it is a very, very difficult feeling to get rid of. When I think that this can go on for months or years, I can hardly bear it. Standing for my M will be very hard for me and I don't know if I am strong enough to do it.

I am hoping to find some answers from within this w/end.

FA