You do what you wanna do, I leave it all up to you

[Sugar and Spice]

Its hard not to let it impact me negatively or positively. Having contact with him so often makes it hard. He kept the kids last night at his mom's and he and DS went fishing this am, so that was good. I ended up in tears driving home from the baseball game last night because sometimes it just sneaks up on me how jacked up this situation really is.

I know that for right now, there is nothing I can do but get my stuff in place and then just wait it out, but you all know how hard that is. Easier said than done. I'm going to keep as busy as I can and with 2 kids, work, school & life, that shouldn't be too hard.

He is now talking about DS playing Fall ball, which means he would be going to school, playing football & baseball. We did this one other time and we ended up with one night off (friday) every other night was a practice and weekends were games. DD is also going to be playing Fall ball and his reasoning was if she was playing, why shouldn't he, but I'm not sure I can handle it. Maybe I'm grasping at straws here, but it almost feels like he does this stuff so we keep in contact. My son hasn't played summer ball since he was about 6 because its so hot here and the league he is in now is about 25 miles from our house. It feels like he wants there to be a reason or an excuse for us to all be together. Maybe I'm delusional, but after the last fall go around he was ADAMANT that we wouldn't ever do that again and now all of a sudden he wants them both to play. He knew after Spring ball we wouldn't have any reason to be together, so now with DS playing summer ball, we are all together at least 2 nights a week. Again, maybe I'm reading more into it than I should, but it just seems odd. Anyway, DS is having a great time and got voted onto the All-Star team in this league as well, so next Saturday, I will spend my birthday at the ball park - at least I won't be sitting at home with nothing to do. LOL.